Monday, October 26, 2009
Hopes for a Ministry Blog
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Continue Prayer
Monday, October 5, 2009
A Request for Prayer
Friday, September 25, 2009
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Amazement
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Photography Blessings
Friday, August 21, 2009
GlimpsesOfYouPhotography.Com






Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
What A Day! Whew!

The doctor was hesitant to send us away so he convinced Karen to stay at least an hour and let him check her again. I got her some light food to eat since she was getting shaky since she missed the wonderful baseball picnic hotdog lunch! After the hour was up the doctor checked her again and she was still a 3! He advised us that he would discharge her, but if she could stay somewhere close for the night it wouldn't be a bad idea just in case! We were discharged at 3 pm. We made the trek home with Karen contracting all the way. We arrived home approximately 3:45 pm and spoke with the boys for about 5 minutes and then Karen went to take a shower. On her way up the stairs her water broke! We were back in the car heading back to the hospital by 4 pm! We arrived at the hospital at approximately 4:25 pm. ((Shhh... don't tell the police! It's actually fun when you have a good reason to drive at approximately 100 MPH and to go through red lights! How exhilerating!)) And it's a good thing that Dad drove fast because Jeremiah was born at 5:05 pm! There was no stopping that boy from coming out! We hardly had time to get into a room and we didn't even have time to sign all the paperwork! The doctors weren't ready ... but Jeremiah was! There was a flurry of about 12-15 different nurses and doctors going this way and that but Karen pushed maybe three times and that boy came flying out - making it difficult for the doctor to catch him! Half the doctors who were supposed to be there didn't even arrive until after he was born! :)

Friday, August 14, 2009
Awaiting Jeremiah
So please keep us in prayer as we await the time to proceed to the hospital....we've attempted the trip once after 10 hours of consistent contractions but stopped short as they completely stopped on our way!....please pray for a safe delivery as we attempt a VBAC after 19 months, please pray for the big brothers as their lives take this step yet again into tangible brotherhood, please pray for us all as we await without anxiety but thankfulness for all the seasons life gives us. Thank you and we look forward to sharing Jeremiah with you soon. Love, Karen
Friday, July 24, 2009
"THE" Quilt
Saturday, July 18, 2009
One Month To Our Due Date!
So Jeremiah has been growing for about 35 weeks and 4 days in my body. Wow. He is so crazy in there and a joy to watch even now! Jonathan has been enjoying Jeremiah's hiccups and kicks and Joshua loves to rial him up and kiss him good night. They busted out Jacob's stethoscope yesterday and were trying to listen to my tummy for him....so cute (I took the above picture and that was not an easy shot to get....try and take a pic of your own belly!). The nursery is getting put together and we are figuring out all the things we have yet to get. This is not an easy task.....trying to move out the "in home care" papers, the "thinking of you" cards and the remains of a funeral to anticipate a birth???...not the normal exciting "getting ready for a baby" time....but this is our normal, and there is very little sadness about it....I thought it would be tougher than it is. Don't get me wrong, it is not easy, but deciding that this nursery is Jeremiah's, just like we moved Joshua out when Jonathan was coming, helps. We have moved the big brother out before and brought in the little one, so I can handle that mindset and be excited.
Joshua was riling up Jeremiah the other day and then he stopped and looked at me real serious and said, "Do you think we'll get to keep this one , Mom?" Oh, how my heart breaks for my boys? They lived 4 1/2 marvelous months with their baby brother, kissing him everyday as if it was their last moment with him. That has carried over to this baby already....and I want them to learn what it is that God has for them so I try not to interfere with those feelings...I can not promise them a thing with this baby....I cannot reassure them that we will get to keep this one......these feelings and emotions that God has allowed our situation to develop and magnify in my boys is building them into Godly men....I will not contradict what God has planted. I want them to be appreciative of their time here with whomever and envelope them in love no matter how long we have....they get that and that is a beautiful thing. So pray for them as we hope with all our hearts that we do get to keep Jeremiah and have him grow up in our family with his two oldest brothers who care for him so much because of how Jacob taught us to love. Our 4 amazing boys....oh, how I thank the Lord for them.
So, our summer is filled with tadpoles, dancing in the rain, jumping in the pool, riding bikes, picking berries, summer reading, gardening, baseball, and just plain fun. We have been enjoying it and appreciating our family times together. Life is really good.....really.....the other day I said to Jason, "You know things are going well when the heaviest thing on your mind is wondering when your tomatoes are going to turn red!" We are happy, joyful and loving life. I try to not let Satan rob me of our peace....the scariest days of our lives all began as regular normal days.....but we live with a marvelous peace of being under our Father's care and therefore nothing is to be feared. We need these peaceful times and thank God we are able to appreciate and recognize them....we know the side of worry and fear and without them, we would not know such peace as now....it is beautiful.
Thank you for your continued love and support. Your prayers for our family are not taken lightly and we appreciate them all. Pray for our future month....our little man adding the final touches on his growth, our boys awaiting their baby brother, Jason and me as we deliver our sweet little one....how ever you feel led to pray. Thanks you. God Bless!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
More Mommy Moments
First off, a biology teacher at my mother's place of work (as well as my former high school) had her classes follow Jacob's blog last year because of the rarity of being able to see a live baby with T18. This year, although he isn't with us, her class used the blog as a reference during her genetics portion. Upon hearing this, I contacted the teacher to thank her for allowing my boy to be of such influence and offered to come and talk to her classes. She was enthusiastic and really wanted me to connect the kids with a real story that showed that these babies, regardless of medical advice, defects and less than perfect abnormalities, are not just items to abort but rather miracles of life that impact us and have worth. It was very easy for me to get up there and talk about my sweet boy for how ever long I had! I was able to talk to 3 classes and the students were so respectful and polite. I brought some of his tiny items, pictures and his pamphlet from his 'Celebration of Life' service. They asked questions and hopefully gathered information on how to parent from a loving perspective verses a medical/clinical perspective. These students got a glimpse of a mama who loves her sweet boy regardless of what the world's standards are for worth living. He was compatible with life and they saw that. I just keep saying, "90 kids in a New York State public high school?!?!......really God???... THANK YOU for an unheard of opportunity!!! :) " It is one of those things that you have no idea how impactful it will be but you take every opportunity, plant the seeds that may be watered by other situations and bloom into something that glorifies the Savior.
Next, one of my sweet mama friends went to see Beth Moore in Pittsburgh and with her brought a photo book of when we met Beth in Atlanta as well as various pictures of each families babies; with our babies that have passed as well as a picture of all of us with our "baby after". Every single one of us 8 mommies have a "baby after" and even though I had to send a picture of an ultrasound, Jeremiah was included since I am holding him in my womb! There is a video of Beth teaching (and Chrissy crying!) and sharing with Pittsburgh the story of how our babies and stories impact her everyday.
These are my moments. I get to sit and relish in what my sweet boy is doing for the Kingdom of God. God uses him everyday in my heart and in the hearts of others and that makes me a proud mama of a true champion.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
365 Days In Heaven

Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Lasts
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Just an Update

Wednesday, May 6, 2009
We are here and will update soon!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Yes, Jesus Loves Me
*About a month ago, Jason was asked to speak at a new church plant about 60 miles away from our home. He was asked to speak on the topic of suffering. This past Sunday was when he taught. Now, Jason is a bright guy, wise, talented (I am biased) but his gift of teaching is one from God. I cannot find the words the explain what it means as a wife and mother to see my husband before a group, teaching God's Word that has been so profound in our lives this past year, and using my son's life as an example on so many levels. There are not many daddies who talk too openly about the passing of their child in public or in the home. So to see him up there, tears is his eyes, speaking the Word and words God wanted him to share....uuuhhhh...cool (understatement). I know it was meant for that church to hear and they applied it, but for me sitting in the front row, as his wife and mama to the baby who God used to teach him those things, it was a proud moment.....a treasured one. One that blessed my heart to witness and is a gift a wife and mother will cherish forever. How do I know Jesus loves me? Because He gave me a gifted husband who loves his family and wants to touch others with the life of his family's suffering.... an amazing daddy to all his boys here on earth and in heaven.
*God also used that evening at that church to allow me to embrace yet another mother in sorrow. I had communicated through email and phone with a mother of a sweet baby boy who passed from Trisomy 13 last year. The church we were at was literally down the street from her and she came on out and we met face-to-face for the first time. She sat next to me as we listened to Jason speak. What a support to me to have another person there who I knew felt exactly what Jason was talking about! Any time I get to hug another mama of a baby in Jesus' arms, I just get the chills.....it is amazing how little you know about someone but yet this one thing we have in common (the loss of a child) can make us feel connected like nothing else can. It truly was such a blessing. How do I know Jesus loves me? Because he gives me opportunities to embrace other mamas and allows our sorrow to be of encouragement to one another.
*Tuesday, as I sat at my boys gymnastics class, I was talking with some other mothers about art curriculum. I shared how the boys have been having art lessons at home for the past year as a service a company provided because of Jacob. There was a mother there who I met for the first time this week and she asked about Jacob's story. She asked me what he passed from so I told her Trisomy 18. Usually, when using this term, I have to further explain what that is but she looked at me and told me that her 4th child (she had 6) passed of Trisomy 18 10 years ago. Talk about an instant bond. She was so interested in the connections I have made through the blog and the support we have received from all other the world. She shared some of the opportunities she has had to minister to others with her son's life over the past 10 years. She commented on how the interent was just not something you used for those purposes when she lost her son 10 years ago. God placed yet another mother here in my home town for me to hug and "get it". How do I know Jesus loves me? Because He gave me yet another mama who "gets it" and has traveled this road and has a beautiful story that touches lives 10 years down the road.
*Thursday I get an email from my "Atlanta Girls" informing me that Beth Moore wrote about our encounter with her in Atlanta in her newest Bible study Esther. Um, wow! As if that weekend could mean anymore??? Here is what sweet Beth writes about our short yet meaningful time together:
"Our purposeful God allowed this final week of Esther to follow a ministry event that reminded me afresh what a beautiful thing women studying together can be. Amanda told me a group of eight young women who'd been communicating online were meeting at the event and spending the weekend together. She knew I'd want to meet them. They have a deep bond none of us would hope to share. Each has buried a cherished infant in the last year. They met through a ministry blog and bonded not only in their loss but in their profound determination to glorify God through their enveloping grief.
They were about my own daughters' age, and I could have held and rocked each one back and forth for a solid hour. Many of them entrusted me with pictures of their darling ones who are now safely and vivaciously in the playful, nurturing hands of Jesus. Those pictures are to my left now as I peck away at the computer. I asked them what they'd have me pray over them, then invited them to their knees so I could lay hands on them and intercede.
How blessed we are to be women. By nature we like to do things together. Work and play. Laugh and grieve. Eat and pray. Live and die. A large measure of enjoying womanhood is enjoying a heart connection with other women."
Now, God took a weekend that I thought couldn't get any more perfect and he made it more perfect! He took my son's story, touched the lives of these 8 women and the world, who then touched the life of Beth, who so devotedly writes and touches the lives of so many others around the world! He just didn't have to do that. How do I know Jesus loves me? Because he encourages me that my son's story is being told by thousands to thousands. He gives me a glimpse of what amazing things He can do with a tiny boy I am honored to mother.
*Friday, we had our 18 week ultrasound for Baby Fahmer #4. I climbed onto the exact same table that I was on when gazing at Jacob's heart and having mine sink with motherly concern. The technicians were courteous of our experience with Jacob yet not overly cautious and dramatic....she was great. We stared at the TV monitor as it illuminated the amazing creation that danced in my tummy. We saw our baby drink, dance, wave, jump.....we gazed as the heart beat at 140+ beats per minute and 4 perfect chambers.....we saw tiny feet and toes dance across the screen.....we saw tiny ribs, arms and leg bones.....we saw a developing brain, stomach, kidneys...we saw facial features with a perfect nose.......we saw BOY parts and clear as day! Yes, Baby Boy #4 :) How do I know Jesus loves me? Because even though we are not guaranteed another moment with this tiny baby boy, God gave us those moments to gaze upon His miraculous creation that is housed inside my body and draws nourishment and strength from my body.
God has done so much for me, but this is just a glimpse of the goodness He shed on a heart that is mending. I know Jesus loves me because of the tiny things He just didn't have to do, yet did to say to me "I do love you."
"I love you too, Jesus. Thank you."
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Fighting Drama
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Be an Encouragment!
"Hey everyone (literally!) My friend Kristy's son Conner is nine years old and recently found out he is having a recurrence of cancer. This time there are numerous spots on his spine, and treatment will be intense. I talked with Kristy this morning and she has requested we help encourage her little boy who is battling cancer for the second time in two years. Please pray and ask God to give you a scripture verse that would encourage Conner and his family. Write it down (do not e-mail it) on an index card or colorful piece of tag board and mail it directly to Conner at the following address:
Conner Newcomb
35 Hobbes Lane
Rochester, NY 14624
PS: Kristy said she would love THOUSANDS of verses to decorate his walls, so don't hesitate to send one (or more) along!
This is NOT a hoax or a chain letter. It is my [Alana (Helfrich) Brown's] real life friend, whose real life son is facing this illness in Rochester, NY. If you are not familiar with the bible, you can visit http://www.biblegateway.com/ and do a word search about comfort, healing, etc; and see what you find! I know God is faithful and will help you help Conner!!! PASS THIS ALONG TO ANYONE WHO WOULD HELP!"
Please pray for Conner and encourage him by sending God's Words to him! Thank you!
Karen
Saturday, February 21, 2009
Been A While & Lots Is Happening
Jacob's birthday was a lot for me.....very strange day where I felt very lost in how to celebrate the birthday of someone no longer with us. But as Jason asked for the Lord's blessing on our meal and day, I was reminded that it was a celebration of the day the Lord grabbed hold of hearts and used such a precious instrument to further His purpose. January 14th 2008 the Lord graced me with the most precious gift he has given me since His salvation.....He allowed me to hold a piece of heaven for 138 consecutive days and that very first day, the very first moment of Jacob's life outside the womb that began a journey that changed me and so many others forever...that instrument of God was born in January last year and was celebrated this year. And everyday since then has been impacted by the sweetest baby boy this world could know. All to the glory of God.
These days have been harder. February 14th of last year, I snuggled my baby boy in celebration for him beating the odds on his one month birthday. He will always be my Valentine forever stealing my heart. I will forever remember holding him, breathing him in, rubbing noses with him, and him showing his love for his mama as we wore red and celebrated with exchanging Valentines and singing Happy Birthday. I guess I have a difficult time explaining why these yearly holidays that were celebrated with Jacob last year cause me to have a knot in my stomach this year. I am not sure if it the disbelief that an entire year has gone by or the sadness of not celebrating with all three of my sweet boys.....it's still tough to sort and articulate it all. All I know is that I miss my youngest boy. I miss him more than I ever have. I have cried for him harder than I have since the night of his passing. His squeaks. His smell. His breath. His soft hair. His presence gave me such a grip on the things that matter in life.....he made doing God's work so easy (for lack of better term). And all these things I have in me forever but for them not to be tangible.....it hurts. For me not to be able to gaze into those strong blue eyes and actually see the value of time.....the world creeps in and I get lost in the day to day. I haven't forgotten, but what I am saying is it was much easier to remember what matters most when Jacob was here in my home, in my arms. I treasure my days with Joshua and Jonathan more than I ever have and I am thankful for their blue eyes I get to gaze into to remind me of the things that really matter and how to value time as their mama. They are such gifts.....and I know they are on loan just like Jacob was and that makes me act on things now and not wait until later....we just never know if later will come.
Joshua and Jonathan are such proud big brothers.....they talk of Jacob all the time reminiscing on the times we had with him here and how he is forever in our hearts. They and Jacob are big brothers to Baby Fahmer #4 who has taken up residence in my womb for the last 14 + weeks. They are very excited.....as much as their reality allows them to be. They have hope to be able to "keep this one" but yet they know that not every baby was not meant to grow old here. They preface their conversation about the baby with "if we get to keep this one" or "if this one lives" but then they proceed to share their hopes of summer time fun and days filled with loving on yet another sibling. They hope, yet understand we are not promised to hold another life. They are such big boys who have learned such huge lessons.....they have learned so much about life and know so much for a 6 and 4 year old. Their spirits are stunning and the refining continues, I know, but it is just amazing to me their grasp on it all. Children are a blessing.
So how am I with this all.....this will be a continuing topic....for the next 25 weeks! Pregnancy life is very different this time around....the realities of loss linger and the excitement mingles but it is all low key.....not like our previous pregnancies at all..... there are things that would have been discussed way before now that we "just aren't there yet" with this new one. Emotions are tough....grieving a loss mixed in with carrying new life is very hard to say the least. I have made it very clear that this is not the 3rd child redone.....this is our 4th....a separate creation, a separate soul, a separate journey, a separate story all wound into the Fahmer Family. This little one's story began 14+ weeks ago and every moment I get to mother them, outside or inside the womb is a moment that was gifted to me by God. Understanding that this baby is not Jacob redone is very clear but the lessons from his life and realities of never being promised another moment are just lessons you do not take for granted. It's not fear; it's our reality. There is no replacement for Jacob. I have held other tiny 4 pound babies and gazed upon another Trisomy 18 child and felt nothing similar to holding my Jacob Ryan....I have tried to simulate him in my desperate moments....it cannot be done....his body is laid to rest and his spirit lives forever with Jesus. Many of you may say that that is all without saying but I have spoken to mothers who's babies after a loss are their redeeming children....this baby does not carry any more weight on them because of their big brother.
Their big brother Jacob gave them more love already than any child could ask for.....Jacob was used to change us to love more and this baby will hopefully be welcomed into a home embellished with love. Joshua and Jonathan have loved this little one so much since the day they found out about them and I know they love more than before because of all they have learned.
So this conversation will continue for some time.....but for now, I must get off to bed. Thank you for loving us. God Bless.
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
1 Year Birthday Memorial Celebration
Of course we had to have a cake! It of course had Jacob's favorite color yellow on it. On the way to the store to get the cake our car got stuck in the snow and a yellow jeep pulled up and helped push us out! I think God sent that "Angel" just to remind us that He hasn't forgotten us!
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
He Celebrated 20+ Earthly Birthdays...



















Tuesday, January 13, 2009
She Went Home Today
It just tears me up.....she fought and grew and we hoped.....but she will be at a big birthday party celebration tomorrow......for Jacob Ryan's & Mary Grace's (http://marygracesummons.blogspot.com/) one year birthdays as well as celebrating her new life with Jesus.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Approached By Jacob Fans

Before the Blog Part IV
I remember spending one night up in my room and the nurses got Jason a pull out to stay with me......I cried like I had never cried before....I wept in disbelief of the events that were happening....I sobbed in shear physical and emotional pain.....poor Jason didn't know what to do because he knew I needed to cry because I was just so broken but then he was concerned about the fact that I just had surgery and I was in so much pain....I hurt everywhere.....my heart, my tummy...everything was broken....one of those moments when it all comes crashing down. 
He remained on the monitors. The ICN hospital staff gave Jacob a separate room so that we could have as many visitors as we wanted without it being a problem as well as Joshua and Jonathan in there who were not allowed.....shhhh don't tell. Jacob was eventually in a crib in room air, room temperature where he did fine maintaining his temp.
Dr.R came in spent time with us, nurses were amazing, Jacob's lead neonatolgist was phenomenal on so many levels, and my parents cared for Joshua and Jonathan (what a blessing!) while I stayed at the hospital and Jason came is as much as he could. 
Monday, January 5, 2009
Before the Blog Part III
January 15th. I woke up after a night of being drugged and sleeping very well. I had spent some time with Jacob before heading off to bed and once I woke up, I walked behind the wheel chair down to the ICN to see him and visit him again. Jacob was super responsive to Jason's voice the night before so when I was there, he just slept and didn't move about....when Jason was there, he opened his eyes and looked for him and put on a show....typical....I carry him for 9 months and then Daddy gets all the attention! :) I had a great morning checking on my sweet boy who was doing well.....he was on IVs with just sugar water to keep him hydrated, he was breathing room air and hanging out in the warming bed. His O2 levels were low but that was to be expected with his known heart condition. We had a few visitors and my mom came up to see him. A resident geneticist came in as planned to do an analysis to clear Jacob for his surgery. I watched him do all his measurements very quietly and since this was the first contact I had with this doctor, I had difficulty reading his responses to his measurements....he repeated a few and then came the attending geneticist, the attending neonatologist and the residents. They asked my mother to leave because the only ones allowed present during rounds were the doctors and the parents. My mother went to wait in the waiting room. The doctors all gathered around, the attending geneticist, we'll call him Dr. R, who took one look at Jacob, turned to the other doctors with his back towards me and said, "Ok, we have a Trisomy 18 case here." The look on my face must have been something because EVERY doctor that could see my face realized that that was the very first time this diagnosis was mentioned for my son. I stood up, went to my son's side, had the residents dismissed and told everyone that I didn't want to talk about a thing until my husband was there. They all scattered and realized what had happened....a mother's heart was devastated and they witnessed the very moment of brokenness. You see, Jacob's cardiologist had "greatly encouraged" us to get an amnio at 6 months in the womb and his reasoning was because if he told us for 3 months he could fix our boy and then he couldn't due to a genetic disorder we would be devastated......I quickly intently stared into his eyes and rebuttaled "No matter when you tell me you cannot fix my son, if it be now with an amnio or after his birth, I will be devastated." And what those doctors witnessed was not a mother's devastation of realizing her son cannot be fixed after being told he would be, but rather the devastation of knowing that her son will die soon and was not made fixable. This was no different than it would have been 3 months prior. They gave me the phone and I called Jason. He had just arrived at my parent's house to see the boys and my dad ran to the store to get something. I told Jason to "just come to the hospital." He asked if he could wait until my dad got home and I told him to pack up the boys and my mom will watch them here but he had to get there now. He packed up the boys and got there quickly. My mom stayed with the boys in the waiting room and Jason came with me to Jacob's bed side, he asked what was going on. I told him that they are saying it is Trisomy 18. I then witnessed the brokenness of a father realizing he was going to lose his son....Jason's head tuned to the side, he went to Jacob's side and said "Oh buddy." I am not sure what happened right after this.....it is a blur. At one point Dr. R and his resident and a nurse came into a family room with us and we talked about what the observations were that led to this diagnosis and what to expect of it. We cried....all 5 of us and we all prayed....Dr.R is a christian. I told Dr.R that we are going to proceed as if he was wrong until the actual test came back and then we would decide what to do. We didn't know what to tell Jacob's big brothers.....oh how they prayed for their little brother to be well and how they were so excited to have him.....and now, to tell them that we didn't know how long he would be with us......and to sit with Jason and see his brokenness....it hurt so bad.....it still does. The ICN pulled some strings for us and Jacob was put in a portable crib with portable monitors. I called my father to let him know what was going on and that if he wanted to meet Jacob, he should come up to the hospital. They brought Jacob into the private family room to meet and be held and loved on by Joshua, Jonathan, my mom and dad and me and Jason.
We spent quite a bit of time together.....it was so strange looking at Jacob and realizing we didn't get to keep him....it just was so frustrating as a parent....he was so perfect and so sweet but we wasn't made fixable. We told the boys that we didn't know how much time we would have with Jacob and to kiss him and love him as much as they could now because he was made so special that God was going to take him back and he probably wouldn't grow up with them and all these things and I cannot believe we had to tell them....it hurts so much now just thinking about what we had to do. uh....
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Just what I needed...
Check out this youtube video and song...you need like 9 minutes and it is worth it! The lyrics are below too:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZE33ejdgWIY
Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides
Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames
Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and
He is here
Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship
Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow
Thank you Shannon!
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Onset of Emotions

"...my earthly flesh cannot get past the fact that my arms are not holding my baby boy and it cannot even fathom the One who is."
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Where does thankfulness come from?
1 Chronicles 29:13:Now, our God, we give you thanks, and praise your glorious name.
I sat with my boys and we talked about some things that we are all so thankful for. The three of us listed some things, all very important, but every single one revolved around something we were given. As I read the verse above, I wanted to know the context of it (always read scripture in context!...I quoted it below so go ahead and read it yourself). David and the leaders of the tribes of Israel had just GIVEN to the Lord for the furthering of His ministry. Say what?!??! They were thanking God, not only because of what He had given to them, but because of their ability to GIVE! So, I am going to jump to an assumption - If they had not given, they would not have been thankful.
Sit and think about things you are thankful for. Why are you thankful for those things? Is it all because you were given something? What if you haven't been given much? Maybe you had things taken from you....how can you be thankful for that? Thankfulness in these verses came from a heart of "willingly contributing." They were ecstatic to GIVE. I must admit....because of my son being "taken" from me, I am having a hard time being thankful for the hurt I feel. But giving to others by ministering through Jacob's life has made my soul dance with joy! The feeling of giving to others is unmatchable....it is from the Lord.....it is a gift to give. I have never felt regret after giving....in contrary, the feeling that giving results in encourages me to do it more often. But after reading these verses, I realized that I relish the feelings giving brings but I do not turn to the Lord and praise Him for it....I just eat it up and keep it to myself....honestly, I have never uttered anything comparable to what David praised after he and his people gave. I need to do that...I want to do that.
Giving brings about thankfulness....if you do struggle to be thankful, give....give freely because everything comes from the Lord. Take your eyes off of you, give to others, and then praise God for his goodness, dance for joy and "praise His glorious name!"
Christmas is right around the corner, and we all get in the spirit to give then, but this giving 1 Chronicles is talking about is a lifestyle thing, a spiritual thing, a God thing.....not just a season. We should have a heart of thankfulness all the time which means we should be giving all the time. So many of you have given to us with time, talents, thoughts, prayers, finances, encouragement....I have thanked God for that, but have you thanked Him for doing that for us? Does it make your heart sing for joy that you have touched our lives? Be touched. Sing. Praise His name for the ability to contribute to the Fahmer's and then give again and again and again to more and more families as a result of your thankfulness to be able to give.
Tomorrow, when I sit with my boys, on our Nation's Thanksgiving day, I will be sure to rephrase my question. Instead of asking what we have that we are thankful for, I will ask what they have willingly contributed that brings about thankfulness in their heart. And then I pray we can pray the words of David.
Happy Thanksgiving!
1 Chronicles 29:1-18 King David then said to the whole assembly: "My son Solomon, whom alone God has chosen, is still young and immature; the work, however, is great, for this castle is not intended for man, but for the LORD God. For this reason I have stored up for the house of my God, as far as I was able, gold for what will be made of gold, silver for what will be made of silver, bronze for what will be made of bronze, iron for what will be made of iron, wood for what will be made of wood, onyx stones and settings for them, carnelian and mosaic stones, every other kind of precious stone, and great quantities of marble. But now, because of the delight I take in the house of my God, in addition to all that I stored up for the holy house, I give to the house of my God my personal fortune in gold and silver: three thousand talents of Ophir gold, and seven thousand talents of refined silver, for overlaying the walls of the rooms, for the various utensils to be made of gold and silver, and for every work that is to be done by artisans. Now, who else is willing to contribute generously this day to the LORD?" Then the heads of the families, the leaders of the tribes of Israel, the commanders of thousands and of hundreds, and the overseers of the king's affairs came forward willingly and contributed for the service of the house of God five thousand talents and ten thousand darics of gold, ten thousand talents of silver, eighteen thousand talents of bronze, and one hundred thousand talents of iron. Those who had precious stones gave them into the keeping of Jehiel the Gershonite for the treasury of the house of the LORD. The people rejoiced over these free-will offerings, which had been contributed to the LORD wholeheartedly. King David also rejoiced greatly. Then David blessed the LORD in the presence of the whole assembly, praying in these words: "Blessed may you be, O LORD, God of Israel our father, from eternity to eternity. Yours, O LORD, are grandeur and power, majesty, splendor, and glory. For all in heaven and on earth is yours; yours, O LORD, is the sovereignty; you are exalted as head over all. Riches and honor are from you, and you have dominion over all. In your hand are power and might; it is yours to give grandeur and strength to all. Therefore, our God, we give you thanks and we praise the majesty of your name. But who am I, and who are my people, that we should have the means to contribute so freely? For everything is from you, and we only give you what we have received from you. For we stand before you as aliens: we are only your guests, like all our fathers. Our life on earth is like a shadow that does not abide. O LORD our God, all this wealth that we have brought together to build you a house in honor of your holy name comes from you and is entirely yours. I know, O my God, that you put hearts to the test and that you take pleasure in uprightness. With a sincere heart I have willingly given all these things, and now with joy I have seen your people here present also giving to you generously. O LORD, God of our fathers Abraham, Isaac, and Israel, keep such thoughts in the hearts and minds of your people forever, and direct their hearts toward you."
Monday, November 24, 2008
Before the Blog Part II
To be continued....
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Before the blog Part I
October 5th, Jason and I met with the cardiologist. We went over all the details of Jacob's heart defects. We went through the surgeries that would be in his future. We were "strongly advised" to get an amnio. Jacob became a cardiac patient and surgical candidate with some of the greatest care I have ever witnessed. He had more eyes on him and and more doctors involved...they were all great and they all respected our decision to give Jacob to best possible care we could regardless of genetics. But we were presented with a dilemma. Without the amnio, they would have to wait 5 days after birth to get genetic testing back in order to do the surgery....this meant he had to be strong enough to survive those 5 days until testing came back. An amnio could not be done too late in the pregnancy because the cell reproduction they needed to test accurately needed to be taken prior to a certain date....we had a deadline to decide if we wanted it or not....could he wait those 5 days? We had a month to think about it.
In that month, I met with my new ob (Oh, she was the sweetest doctor...I think of her often as her heart was torn for us after the diagnosis). She went down the list of chromosomal defects linked to Jacob's symptoms...there were quite a few and we talked about characteristics in each one....T18 & T13 were the worst possible outcomes but there were so many others and without the amnio; he was treated as a normal baby with complex congenital heart disease. She offered the amnio, respectfully accepted my decline and then we took a look at Jacob on ultrasound. His cysts had become smaller as anticipated and he looked great aside from his heart. Again, we sat and watched his hands move, we looked at his sweet button nose to see any facial defects were present and he was cleared until next month. At our next visit, his cysts were gone and things looked ok. We had met our deadline to request the amnio and we declined. Our decision was greatly respected among all parties involved...to this day, I would not change this decision.
My appointments continued on a monthly basis but then Jacob's growth became of concern....he was very small and his body was measuring significantly small compared to his head and legs. December 23rd came and we were told to go to our appointment with our bags packed in case of an emergency delivery. I was torn up about the thought of him being so small, so weak and so early. I thought of spending Christmas in the hospital away from my 2 older ones at home. He was cleared again as he grew as he needed and we cleared the holiday ok.
December 28th I woke up at 6:00 am with contractions 5 minutes apart. Because we lived 45 minutes from the hospital, our doctor said that any signs of labor, get to the hospital because this baby had to be delivered in a controlled atmosphere with the right doctors....(I delivered Jonathan in 2 hours so they took this into account and they needed more time than that to get everything in place for Jacob.) They checked me in, told me to walk because I was in no way dilated. We walked ALL DAY. I had more doctors check on me.....it was crazy. My contractions were 3 minutes apart, nothing too bad. At 6 pm, they monitored me and saw the consistent contractions but since there was no progressing, they were going to release me. They left me on the monitor as the nurse went to get the papers together to let me go home. She came back with the papers for me to walk out the door and looked at the monitor which had tracked Jacob's heart beat and on multiple occasions while she was gone those last 15 minutes, he had an irregular heart beat showing great concern of distress at times. That got the release papers in the trash and us admitted. Jacob was under 36 weeks and they didn't want to induce unless they had to. Through the night, contractions got worse (I had to breath through some of them), they had me on an iv to hydrate me and they monitored us every moment. It was a long night....Jacob had everyone on their toes. He had 2 more major decelerations and we were warned at 6 a.m. that if he had one more, they were going to do a c-section. Well he heard that and within the hour, all contractions stopped and he was fine. They monitored him for another 2 hours and everything was as it should be.....except I was EXHAUSTED from laboring for 24 hours, peeing every 2 hours and not sleeping AT ALL! But I was still pregnant which was great.
The week of January 7th, I met with my ob and Jacob's cardiologist one last time before delivery and scheduled an induction (to keep things under control) January 14th and to schedule Jacob's open heart surgery for following week just in case he needed his surgery that soon. Jacob's conditions did not make him a candidate for a c-section....we could still go naturally as his complications were issues that would only effect him once he was breathing outside the womb. We were prepared for a few symptoms such as low circulation causing him to be blue....just things we needed to not be surprised by. We were all on the same page.
To be continued....
Friday, November 21, 2008
Before the Blog
Friday, November 7, 2008
An email from a Jacob Fan
"Hello Karen and Jason! I believe this is the first time I have actually sent an e-mail to you. I could not let today go without saying a HUGE thank you. Today is my birthday, and when I woke up this morning, I thought to myself, 'how have I changed this year?' I answered that question to myself and the answer surrounded what little Jacob has done for me. He has made me a better mommy, he has made me notice the sky is a bit bluer, the grass is a bit greener, the San Francisco Bay outside our home is more beautiful. I am not sure what distinguishes Jacob (and your entire family) from others in blogland, I just know all of you have made my life different.
Thank you for a birthday present that you never knew you gave. I have had Jacob's "Fan" picture on my blog since you posted it months and months ago. I look at him every day and realize how wonderful the world really is.
Thank you again!"
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Leroy Lessons
Today began as the average day. I got up, got the boys breakfast as Jason slept a bit longer and I headed downstairs to begin our school day. Jason got up and headed outside whistling...that is odd. Jonathan came and informed me and Joshua that there was a dog! It was a beautiful young boxer. He was very friendly, obedient, sweet and well taken care of. To be cautious, the boys stayed at the door inside while Jason and I played with him a bit to feel him out and be as sure as we could that he was an ok dog for the boys to be around....he was so nice and sweet and very gentile with the boys. Knowing this dog just got himself into some trouble, we took appropriate measures to find his owners...we called the SPCA to see if anyone reported a missing dog, we called the town dog warden, we listened for neighbors who may be calling for him, we took him for a walk around the neighborhood to see if anyone recognized him. Nothing. So, the question came up...."Can we keep him?" I made sure the boys understood that he was not our dog....he belonged to another family and I asked them to think about how they would feel if they lost something and what they would want someone to do if they found it. They immediately took it all to heart. Joshua thought up making "Dog Found" signs to hang up around the neighborhood....I got on the computer to make them up, Joshua grabbed them from the printer, grabbed the tape from the drawer, climbed in the car and chose the stop signs to hang them on. He cared for the dog, as did Jonathan, by playing ball, laying in the grass with him, petting him, changing his water about 40 times, tying to get him to eat, giving him a treat, and sympathizing with him when he whined if we left him alone.....the boys named him just about everything in the book....Rusty, Boy, Max, Watch, Smiley, ....the list goes on.
Although there was a family who was panicked by their loss, their loss helped us find something.....more amazing qualities in our boys. Caution: blunt, seemingly insensitive statement to follow.....The very night Jacob died, as I was putting Joshua to bed he asked, "Can we get a dog now?" Please know that he in no way was replacing his love for his baby brother with a dog.....understand that this question came up well before Jacob was here and while Jacob was with us. But sympathizing with Jacob's time and care here, Joshua realized we had a lot going on and knew we just couldn't do it. But his heart still wanted a dog so he asked that night when to him it seemed as if life just got less hectic ....talk about tugging on heart strings! (smart boy!) But, we turned him down again (heartless, I know). So today, when that dog was in the yard Joshua told Jason that this was a dream come true...that it was a great day to have a dog......he appreciated what he had that moment knowing that it may be gone the next. We waited until about 4:30pm and then we decided to take the dog (named "Watch" at the time) on a walk to see if anyone recognized him yet. We walked to the stop sign (the boys laughed every time Watch lifted his leg to pee on some one's mailbox!) with no success. But on our way back a vehicle slowly approached us. The driver rolled down her window and said, "Is that Leroy?!??!?" Watch went nuts. His owners. My boys faces. He lived just a few houses down from us. The lady thanked us for caring for him, let us know they were so worried about him, and she asked some questions about our day. She had been worried all day about having to tell her little boy that his dog was missing. We introduced ourselves. Then out of the car came her little boy who was the same age as Jonathan. She introduced him. His name is Jacob. My boys were so honored to bring Leroy back to this 4 year old boy who shared the same name as their sweet baby brother. They got to bring another Jacob some joy.
When that vehicle approached me, I knew it was his owners. My heart sunk for my boys. But they just rejoiced....I couldn't believe it. Joshua's dream of a dog, so real, so tangible, but too short. Just like so many of our family, friends and fans can't understand how we can rejoice in our journey with Jacob. Today, in Joshua and Jonathan's hearts, they knew Leroy was not theirs to keep...although he was a dream come true, they knew he wasn't our's. They knew they were on borrowed time and they enjoyed every minute they had with him until they had to give him back to his owner. They understand and learned more about what happened with Jacob than I realize. Nine months ago, in Joshua and Jonathan's hearts, they knew Jacob was not theirs to keep. They knew they were on borrowed time and they enjoyed every minute they had with him until they had to give him back to his Maker. It has made them the boys they are today, appreciating every moment of joy they are given. I am a proud mama. Thank you Leroy for going for a neighborhood walk into our yard and spending the day with us. Thank you Jacob Ryan for being used to build true lasting character in your big brothers.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Jacob's Always With Us
The boys had a great time carving their pumpkins and being reminded that this is what Jesus does to us. He reaches into us and pulls out the goopy nasty junk and replaces it with a light to shine in the darkness.
Jonathan was Spiderman, of course (again!), and Joshua was a skeleton because one of his favorite LEGO guys in all the world is the skeleton. That skeleton is also a reminder of a story Jesus told. You see, a friend in Delaware gave Joshua a tub of approximately 3,000,000,000,000,000 LEGO's (I may be understating that number) but there is only 1 skeleton who is made up of 5 parts which fall apart pretty easily. And just like the 1 sheep who goes astray, if one piece of "my skeleton" goes missing Joshua will leave the 3,000,000,000,000,000 and find the one. Even if it means sifting through all 3,000,000,000,000,000 to find that one leg to put that skeleton back together again!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Better Them Than Us
How do you answer? There is this strange awkwardness that happens when you tell someone that your baby dies but it is almost harder when it comes up with these innocent questions. ....who do you protect?...and from what are you needing protection from?
Jonathan is notorious for bombarding new visitors into our home with the passing of Jacob.....he tells people that we had a baby, his name is Jacob and he died. The end. Most of the time they haven't even made it up the stairs yet. It doesn't happen all the time but when it does, it makes for quite the moment. Most of the time people don't know what to say....usually they are just here to fix something so they go about their business. Today the man said, "So, no more baby?" and then had to go to his car to get something. I get it. Who knows what to say to that?
My instinct was to talk to Jonathan and tell him that we don't need to tell everyone....CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT WAS MY INSTINCT?!??!??! I DID NOT act on this instinct and thank the Lord I didn't! What a hypocrite I would have been! Jonathan stands by my side every time we are out and I tell someone about Jacob and I talk about what a blessing Jacob is to our family....he is only doing what his mama does! And who am I to put some stranger's feelings before one of the gifts God has entrusted me with?!??! (I know...shame on Karen...shame, shame to even think it!)
So, now, my outlook on the situation applies not only to me but to all my boys: better them feel awkward than us....we know what they are missing if we don't share. I feel terrible if I leave Jacob out and the last thing I need is to comfort someone else in my loss (I have never been one to hide much of what I am thinking:) I have spoken to a few other mothers who feel differently and I may someday, but right now, we are all about talking and that is what blesses us....it works.
I don't think I shared this with you all. The Friday of my crazy week of phone calls God gave to us, I went out to visit my sister with the boys in the evening. We sat at dinner and a young girl about 9 years old came right up to me and asked if we were sisters. I told her yes. Then Joshua came up to me and she asked if he was my son. I told her yes. She asked me if I had any other children. I pointed out Jonathan and then said that I had another boy in heaven. She said, "you mean he died?!?!" I told her yes. "How?!?" I told her that God made him so special and he wasn't made to live as long. Her mother told her that was enough but she just couldn't stop. I made it clear to the mother that I was fine with sharing.....it wasn't hurting me to share. So, this little girl went on and on....how did he die, when did he die, where did he die, what room did he die in, who was with him, do you miss him, did you bury him, did you baptize him, are you sad....believe it or not, these are not all of what she asked! Now, this mom was so very appreciative of me sharing with her....she tried hard to stop her and tell her it was enough, but she kept asking and I kept answering so it was ok. I showed her his picture, gave them a blog card with his picture and blog address and the mother looked at me with tears in her eyes and just thanked me for sharing. All I could say was, "No, thank you." Me, my boys, my sister and brother-in-law got into the car and as we were driving away, my brother-in-law asked, "Does that normally happen?" I said, "No. But she just asked all the questions everyone else wants to ask but just doesn't." We have been an open book so that if someone does ask, maybe there will be an impact on their lives and God just runs with it in their lives from there....who knows?
So, for us right now, it is better them feel strange than us feel guilty.....they'll get over it quickly where as we have Jacob forever stamped on our hearts....no regrets.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Different Levels
I have received a few emails and phone calls from some friends with some concern in their voices since these last local contacts God has brought our way. Right here in my home town, in a matter of a week, I hugged members of 3 different families at wakes, hospitals, and funerals who had losses, plus received at least 5 phone calls and emails from others who have had a loss or anticipate it. My friends are just concerned for how we are doing with it....many of them have said that they don't think they could do it. That's the beauty of it....it's not natural to be able to do it....that shows God's hand in it. What does this do to a mother who's sweet baby boy was born just over 9 months ago and passed not quite 5 months ago? Keep reading and maybe you can decipher it.
Levels. Levels build on the foundation of the Lord. God has blessed this ministry with different levels. Informing level, emotional level, family level, onlookers level, grief level, levels I don't even know about yet. It is ongoing.
When speaking with these mommies, God gives me strength to inform. It's not emotionless but it is factual...if any of you have had a conversation with me, I am not one to beat around the bush...I say it how it is or was because that's what I know. I can get carried away in details sometimes and lose my point (and this is evident in my blogging too) but it is the facts of Jacob's life that many of these mommies want to hear just to get a glimpse of what they may be able to expect or how we dealt with something. Is it drudging things up? No...it is what it is and I have no problem sharing it....the question is, do you want to hear it how it actually was? I've had two specific instanced where a parent asked if I went out without Jacob. Now this is quite the loaded question....how do I tell them that I did and he died while I was gone. I do not feel regret in our story but I do know how this may be perceived. I've told both of them that I didn't want to answer them but as the conversation led on, I just didn't feel right not to....I have nothing to be ashamed of...it is what it is. God made me realize that this is my story to share that HE gave me and who am I to edit the work of the Lord....that day was huge in my life and if given the opportunity to share the specifics of how God worked that day, then I can share it.
But the emotional level is kept very secure. The Holy Spirit has given me discernment on my role and limits in these families lives. I am a stranger. I am emotionally unable to feel what they feel because their baby is not my own. I felt that way about Jacob and no other. I am simply there as an encouragement of surviving it.....to hug and be there as a friend...not a mommy reliving the life and death of her son. I had no idea what I was going to do when I met sweet baby Rachel in the hospital. God has given me a true peace that my son Jacob now lives in the presence of the True King and no baby here on earth could replace him....Rachel was a true test of this and it stood strong....I do not have an unhealthy desire to see a glimpse of Jacob in other babies. Was I totally cold? No! The emotional part is very much the same as it would be for anyone to see a sweet baby not made to live in this world for very long. It is not easy for anyone to see a baby struggle for the next breath if there even is another one. It is not easy for anyone to see tiny white coffins, baby pictures and tearful eyes at a funeral home. It is not easy for anyone to think of what to say to a mother who's baby's body is no longer holdable. It wasn't any more difficult for me as Jacob's mother as it would have been prior to him...I thought it should be but it really hasn't been...if anything, it is easier...can't explain that....it just is. I can be a comfort to other mothers and not have to relive losing my own son. How can this be comforting for these families? I "get it" because of my child, not theirs. They don't have to worry about me or how I am feeling. I am purely there to be a support to them because I understand the kind of loss they are experiencing... (that is going to be hard to understand but maybe you will get it). The Lord keeps this emotional level under strict security and has not allowed me to actually feel my loss over again.
Another level is our family. The Grapes family was the first family we were blessed to minister to as a family. Jason came and supported the family members and the boys helped shop for a meal for them. We all attended the service together. It was OUR ministry as the family of Jacob Ryan...not just me as the mother of him. This was nice but it threw 3 more concerns for me in there....Jason, Joshua and Jonathan. How were they going to be? Does the Lord have their lives guarded the same way mine is? But again, the Lord sorted things out and allowed us to know our limits and we obeyed that and enjoyed this ministry together.
Then there are the onlookers...the balcony level. I have become more aware of this level as time goes by. Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, husbands, friends, neighbors, church members, etc. of those who have lost a child have come to me personally and said how us being involved has blessed them. How we have helped like no one else could. This level is a testimony of how God uses our lives when we don't even have a clue. Again, I can take no credit for these instances....my efforts have been towards the parents, but the Lord used us in the lives of those who surround these parents and they, in turn, blessed me for noticing this ministry. Cool.
Grief. It is a level unto itself. The foundation is the Lord but grief is the ground level that this ministry is built on. I miss my son. I am still on this journey. Living life with a loss is rough road. This ministry is because of my grieving but it is not to take this journey from me or make it any easier. It blesses me tremendously but I still have my rough road. I still have my nights of disbelief. I still have my nights of rummaging through his belongings. I still have my unstoppable tears when I cling so tightly to his blanket that smells of him. Those moments where I just want to feel him on my chest again, hear his sigh, touch his tiny everything. This grief has nothing to do with Rachel, Johnathan, Kayden, Joel, Poppy, Miller Grace, Mary Grace, Maddox, Eva, Tristan, Isaac, Asher, Hannah, Emma, Christian....(it is sad how this list goes on). It has everything to do with Jacob. No one elses babies can initiate these moments. They are mine. and this ministry has opened the doors for me to grieve with others but there are moments that are just mine. It is my separate journey that I am traveling. This ministry is an offspring of my grief....not grief being an offspring of my ministry. (I just love it when that statement of clarity comes to mind...so profound....well to me anyways.)
So there is some of it. A few things that have been spinning in my mind. It is good. It is healthy. It is fruitful. It is the Lord's work. It is the life of Jacob Ryan continued.....
Monday, October 20, 2008
Some pictures of Rachel and words from her mother
http://www.rachelgrapes.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Rachel's Blog
http://www.rachelgrapes.blogspot.com/
(Don't forget that blogs post most recent posts first so go to the bottom and read upwards to read in order.)
Rachel's dad Dave really wanted you all to know how much he appreciated your prayers. He wanted others to know how our babies touched people and so he gave me a copy of the diary to post...I was honored to set it up. Our babies have touched the NICU here, our families and friends and the world. Thank you for being part of that.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Rachel In Her Real Home
They had some very sweet memories and she accomplished so much in her time here with us.
I am honored to share that one of the things they had time to do with her are her hand prints and footprints in Crayola Model Magic....yesterday during our visit, we gave them this idea from when we had Jacob. Dave expressed to me today how much that means to them to have that little token.....Jacob's life helped them treasure Rachel's memory in this small way....thanks Little Man.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Visiting Rachel & Family
Rachel traveled home!
Rachel traveled home with her mother yesterday evening! This is a dream come true for the family. What a strong little girl! They are all thrilled. Please keep praying for her strength and theirs. She eats every 2 hours and taking care of her on top of 6 others has got to be trying but they are doing what they can to enjoy every moment. Thank you all for the prayers.
Rachel
Here are some ways to pray more specifically:
Please pray for this family. You now have names of Rachel and her parents....I do not have the names of Rachel's SIX other siblings though!...but pray for them as well.
This whole experience has been such a whirl wind....a true blessing to me to use my son's life in such a way but yet difficult to watch a family go through what I know all too well. I think they know my heart....I just am so unsure of myself in this uncharted territory that it just makes me question.... it is prideful for me to think that my words may be so impacting on them, yet careless for me not to take heed in my statements and realize what ears they may fall on and what conclusions may be drawn for them.....a very strange balance to try to achieve. Pray for me as I seek wisdom, healing and I sort through the different levels of involvement the Lord may have for me here and all the emotions that go with it all. I am so willing and the Lord has blessed me with such humbling opportunities....it is truly magnificent to be used by the Lord.
Pray that the family and friends take to heart that these babies all have different levels of severity and there is no way of comparing and knowing what to expect because of another case....it is hard to know that there are other babies out there who have lived so long and not desire that for your baby...I know this all too well.
Pray that every moment Rachel is here is treasured.
Pray that the family's wishes and goals for this time are achieved.
Pray that the right people are brought into their lives during this time.
Most of all, pray for sweet Rachel as she blesses this world living in her sweet body and battles for her life to just be loved.
Thank you all. I will do my best to keep you all updated. God Bless.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
More delivered right into into my lap

Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Mush
Monday, September 29, 2008
It's Been A While
"When our only daughter, Carrie, was 16, the doctors told us she had an advanced case of cancer. We had to take her through chemotherapy and radiation. We suffered along with Carrie as we watched her experience the severe sickness that accompanies the treatments. Some people face such an experience by blaming God and questioning why He doesn't love them anymore. Carrie's cancer treatments could have been a devastating experience for us. Did God still love us? Yes. Had His love changed? No, He still cared for us with an infinite love.
When you face circumstances like this, you can ask God to explain what is happening. We did that. We asked Him what we should do. I raised all of those questions, but I never said, "Lord, I guess You don't love me."
Long before this expereince with Carrie, I had made a determination: no matter what my circumstances, I would never look at my situation except against the backdrop of the cross. In the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, God forever convinced me that He loves me. For this reason during Carrie's illness I could go before the Heavenly Father and see behind my daughter the cross of Jesus Christ. I said, "Father, don't ever let me look at my life and question Your love for me. Your love for me was settled on the cross. That has never changed and will never change." Our love relationship with the Heavenly Father sustained us through an extremely difficult time."
How true that has been in our lives as well. Now when I think of Jacob, I will think of him with the backdrop of the cross. It is God who gave and took away. It is God who sustained us. It is God who loved us enough to draw us into a relationship with Him. It is God who is to be loved and praised regardless of the situation in front of us... because behind that situation is the backdrop of the cross. There is nothing that can happen in the foreground that can negate or over rule that which is in the background. The cross trumps it all. Thank you for the cross!
Monday, September 15, 2008
A Hint of Clarity
I am writing this from a position I have prayed to never be in but yet God has given us a joy in our circumstances for He is the giver and creator of all things and there are no mistakes under his watch and care. I wish I never had to find joy in my children having struggles but here we are faced with our biggest chance to experience God's love even among times of pain and uncertainty.
On October 3rd, I went for an ultrasound at the Regional Perinatal Center at Children's Hospital to get a better picture of the 4 chambers of our baby's heart. There, the sonographer (with 9 yrs. experience) could not get the picture she wanted from the angle she wanted. Suspicious of complications, she volunarily called a magnificent OBGYN who works with high risk deliveries to take his own personal time and take a look at her findings. After observing for a while, he determined that our little baby's heart is not functioning the way a normal heart should. I am not a doctor, just a mother who listened and may have some things mixed up at this time but I will do my best and correct myself later. His left ventricle is very small and shows signs of congenital heart disease. His right ventricle in enlarged (probably to compensate for the left side) and the two major arteries are connected to the right side parallel (there should be one connected to each ventricle criscrossed). He has developed a hole between the two ventricles which allows circulation to go to the left side....this is a GOOD THING....the heart is a muscle and needs to exercise and the way it does that is by pumping blood so the hole allows it to have something to pump. He needs surgery.
On October 5th we met the baby's pediatric cardiologist....he holds up to his fabulous reputation from many I know in and out of the medical field...he is a blessing. After his observations of the baby he is very positive in the success of surgery after the baby is born. Depending on the development of Jacob's heart in these next 4 months in the womb, one of these 2 possible surgical procedures could take place:
1) Jacob's left ventricle continues to grow at a steady rate and is salvageable, he will have a surgery correcting his 4 chambers at about 5-7 days after birth.
2) Jacob's left ventricle does not grow, they have to make his heart into a 3 chamber heart with a series of surgical procedures: The first procedure would be at 5-10 days after birth, the second at 6-8 months, and the last at 4-6 years.....as the heart grows the materials (tubes and such) have to be lengthened.
The preference is the first surgery so what we need is for his little heart to grow and make the most of the left ventricle....please pray for this growth!
As for how we are doing, it is times like these that God's presence is so evident in our life. God has blessed us with the right doctors going beyond what they are required to do and we recognize God's goodness in that. He has given me the calmness and trust that only He can provide. All the medical professionals we have come in contact with have commented at our reactions and we praise God for giving us the strength to be a witness of His love through this. At weak times we allow our concerns to get the best of us and the hardest times are yet to come (like allowing doctors to open up my newborn babies chest to operate!) but God has shown us His love through the shock of finding this all out and He will never leave our sides....we trust Him. Please pray for us as parents to make the best decisions with what is put into our hands to decide.....there are not many things we have to decide but there can be great stress in what we do have to choose.
We will keep you updated on progress as we find things out....we have another appointment with the pediatric cardiologist in 4 weeks and I have my regular OB appointments so if there are changes I will be sure to let you know.
For those of you who have known and prayed for our little one, we thank you so much and ask that you continue to pray for his strength to grow in the womb so that when he is born, he is strong and ready for the procedures that need to take place. Please pass this along....we need as many prayers as we can get!
Thank you and God Bless.
The Fahmers ~ Karen, Jason, Joshua, Jonathan & Jacob

Saturday, September 13, 2008
Please Vote For Jacob!
We're not sure who nominated us for this award but anything that spreads Jacob's message to others is worth a vote! Thanks!
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Mom to Mom

Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Gotta Love The Fans....
It seemed appropriate that I do something in honor of both Jacobs. I couldn't come up with anything too spectacular but since I was surrounded by a lot of beaches and water I managed to spell out Jacob Ryan using sea shells. I was trying to beat a storm coming in so the letters are a little off. The second picture is a view across the lake as you look over the name. I wrote this further inland on the beach away from the waves so I hope it stays for awhile.
Sue
Friday, August 15, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
More Stories of Families Touched by Trisomy 18

Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Some losses are fun!



Tuesday, August 12, 2008
My Big Sister is Married!
Monday, August 11, 2008
Prayer for "Little Jonathan's" Family
Every Moment Counts
I sit and watch the Olympic games and my favorite sport is swimming. I understand the sport because I was a sprinter for 6 years....of course I didn't achieve the level of skill the Olympians have but I did race to achieve some state recognition. What I learned as a racer, combined with these Olympic games, combined with my gift of Jacob results in a clear point.....every moment counts....every fraction of a moment counts. When I was swimming a relay race in a state competition, the relay I was in tied our school record.....one kick just a bit harder, one stroke a little bit faster, just a fraction of a second faster and we would have broken it.....but we tied it right down to the hundredth of a second. The value of a fraction of a second is magnified with these Olympic swimmers.....all 16 competitors can be within a second but that second is divided into gold, silver and bronze winners....all within the same moment but divided by those fractions of a second. Jacob has shown me the value of a second....one second he's doing great, the next he's not breathing.....one second he's resting in my husband's arms, the next he's embraced by the One True God. The moments we spend here count....every fraction of them. What we do with them matters.
I try so hard to be a good testimony to Christ with my life and all I do....more so since Jacob's passing, I have been able to reach and touch so many people's lives. But why? I have come to realize how prideful I am. I fall into this lie that the only way to be used is to live perfectly (I have NEVER lived perfectly!) When I fall into sin, I feel that all I have done is lost. I had a long weekend of sorting through some things that I have done....sins that I have committed against my Lord....falling hard. I live as a forgiven sinner....my sins were paid for on that cross that Christ died upon...so I do not relive what I have done but I do try to learn from it and value the lessons that hide within my bad choices. When I am in sin, I am less of what God wants me to be....I am not a testimony to His love, I am not a testimony of what fulfillment a life with Christ brings, I fail to be a representative of a household that follows Christ and I fail to show the beauty of a mother shepherding her children in their walk with the Lord. I am so prideful. I have made things all about me. My perspective is so wrong.....when I fall, I think about what others will think of me and how my testimony will be effected instead of weeping for the fact that my Jesus hung and died on a cross for that sin....how dare I care what others think before I think of all the Christ has done for me. I realize that anytime someones life has been touched because of what the Lord has done though me, a sinner saved by grace, it is ONLY by His grace that I have been used in other people's lives. So why do I try to live right, make the right decisions and choices? Because I want to worship Jesus. Why do I fail miserably? Because I am human. Because I am selfish. Because if I didn't fail, others would follow me instead of Christ. So in the midst of sin, I see the cross....I embrace the cross....and I am thankful for the cross.....and I am motivated by the cross....not to earn anything, because my sin has been paid for, but to show Him that even though I have failed Him, I am thankful for all He has done for me and it is only because of Him that there is anything good that has come from my life. So what value is there to this lesson of falling into sin? Forgiveness. Thank you Jesus for using me. Thank you Father for allowing me to see that when I fall, your embrace is so much sweeter because of my recognition of my need for you. Thank you for your forgiveness even when I fail you miserably.
So what does this have to do with "every moment counts." EVERY moment counts....good or bad. God will use my life to impact others and I will embrace the moments and do my best to live for Him. But I will fail. And in the midst of my failures, I will be reminded of God's forgiveness and make every moment count and use these failures to learn more about who I am IN CHRIST. Every moment happens and what happens in that moment matters. He will make it count even when I mess it up. He will use me how He sees fit and if I make a tiny bit of difference in someone else's life, it is a miracle because I am a sinner. All that is good comes from Him.
"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart; lean not on your own understanding. In all of your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight." Proverbs 3:5,6
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Newest Fanmail!

I hope you are all as well as you can be in this lovely summer. I read Jacob's story from almost the beginning, and I have to tell you, he touched my heart in such an amazing way, and I deeply thank you for sharing his story with all of us on the internet. I was meaning to write to you ages ago, but with one thing and another I never got round to it, I'm sorry about that.
Anyway, the reason I email you now is, well, it's a story really. I was at the beach today with my family, and my cousins and I were writing things in the sand. And I looked up, and I saw a cloud in the sky in the shape of a J. Instantly, I thought of Jacob, and decided to write his name in the sand. So I did, and then I remembered that I had been meaning to email you and thank you for sharing him, and his story with everyone, and decided to take a picture of his name in the sand, and send it you when I got home. Long story short, I did. So the picture attached is Jacob's name in the sand, at Southport beach in Merseyside, England.
THANK YOU for sharing Jacob's amazing story, and God bless you all! Kathryn"
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Just a Moment of Faith
Hebrews 10:32-12:2 (New International Version)
32Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. 33Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. 34You sympathized with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions.
35So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. 36You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. 37For in just a very little while, "He who is coming will come and will not delay. 38But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him." 39But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.
Hebrews 11
1Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. 2This is what the ancients were commended for.
3By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. 4By faith Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did. By faith he was commended as a righteous man, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith he still speaks, even though he is dead.
5By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death; he could not be found, because God had taken him away. For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God. 6And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.
7By faith Noah, when warned about things not yet seen, in holy fear built an ark to save his family. By his faith he condemned the world and became heir of the righteousness that comes by faith.
8By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. 9By faith he made his home in the promised land like a stranger in a foreign country; he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise. 10For he was looking forward to the city with foundations, whose architect and builder is God.
11By faith Abraham, even though he was past age—and Sarah herself was barren—was enabled to become a father because heconsidered him faithful who had made the promise. 12And so from this one man, and he as good as dead, came descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as countless as the sand on the seashore.
13All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance. And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth. 14People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own. 15If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return. 16Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
17By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, 18even though God had said to him, "It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned." 19Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death.
20By faith Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau in regard to their future.
21By faith Jacob, when he was dying, blessed each of Joseph's sons, and worshiped as he leaned on the top of his staff.
22By faith Joseph, when his end was near, spoke about the exodus of the Israelites from Egypt and gave instructions about his bones.
23By faith Moses' parents hid him for three months after he was born, because they saw he was no ordinary child, and they were not afraid of the king's edict.
24By faith Moses, when he had grown up, refused to be known as the son of Pharaoh's daughter. 25He chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time. 26He regarded disgrace for the sake of Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward. 27By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king's anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible. 28By faith he kept the Passover and the sprinkling of blood, so that the destroyer of the firstborn would not touch the firstborn of Israel.
29By faith the people passed through the Red Sea as on dry land; but when the Egyptians tried to do so, they were drowned.
30By faith the walls of Jericho fell, after the people had marched around them for seven days.
31By faith the prostitute Rahab, because she welcomed the spies, was not killed with those who were disobedient.
32And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets, 33who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, 34quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies. 35Women received back their dead, raised to life again. Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection. 36Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison. 37They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— 38the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground.
39These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. 40God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.
Hebrews 12
1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
What did I see in these verses? I have yet to figure it all out...but that evening, as I struggled to find a place to begin, I was literally sucked in to all the people who are listed. At the time, I did not go into deep study of each person mentioned (I will)....I just saw this on going list of names of men and women who had faith......All I could think was how amazing it would be to be listed as someone who lived by faith....but then I realized.....not everyone mentioned lived a life full of faith.....God showcased a bunch of people who were sinners....but what did it for them?....what were they an example of?....a moment in life.....just a moment of faith.....they displayed, at some point in life a moment of faith, "the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of the things not seen." It was just a moment that got them mentioned in the Book of Hebrews, for some of them, it was thousands of years ago that they displayed their faith.....some of them not even seeing the promises they were living faithfully for!...they still did it though. I want to be noted. I want to be noted not only for one moment, but as someone who bursts faithful responses daily, hourly, every moment. Although the things they were faithful for were far off and they never got to see them with their earthly eyes, they desired God's Kingdom and strived for it as their home. I want my secured home in heaven to be what I live for. Just last night, I wrote about how I struggle with rejoicing for Jacob's home going to heaven....shame on me..."do not look upon the things of this world" (like holding sweet babies!).....Heaven is my home and that is where my heart should be......C.S. Lewis said "You do not have a soul. You ARE a soul. You have a body." Realize that. Our souls go on for eternity. Our bodies die. What is my soul's desire? Is it for this dying earthly body to have a great life for 80 years and then maybe hope to get to heaven somehow?...NO! It is for this soul to spend an eternity praising the Creator of all things and to spend the time encapsulated in this body serving Him and once this earthly body dies, I am finally home and in the presence of the King of Kings, where Jacob has been since he left the earth!
Lord, give me many moments of faith. Help my soul desire your Kingdom more than the things of this world. If you can wade through all I have done in this world, please find just a moment of faith that pleases You and encourages others to walk by faith that is so worth living for.
Faith Creations, LLC Necklace
I had contacted Heather, owner of Faith Creations, LLC (http://ricetrio.blogspot.com/) and she created this beautiful necklace for me....talk about crafting with meaning! It has my two big earthly boys on the round pendant and Jacob, who resides in Heaven forever in my heart, on the heart shaped pendant. She attached a pearl on the bottom. Everything is just perfect and I love it! Thank you Heather!
Berry Pickin'

Summer pictures







Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Hi
So, I had another amazing gift from Jacob the other day. Kim Summons (http://marygracesummons.blogspot.com/) contacted me the other day with news of another family affected by Trisomy 18. Little Jonathan was born on July 11th and, to every one's surprise, was brought home on the 14th to live his precious life at home. His parents were not prepared to bring him home but so excited to have the opportunity to do so. Kim contacted me because unlike so many other families affected by T18, God had numbered Jonathan's life with so many more days than statistics entertain and thus the stresses caring for a terminally ill baby....Jonathan's mother and I have this in common. Please pray for Jonathan and his family. His heart is working very hard. He was sent home with no monitors which in my view is a blessing....we got so fed up with all the beeping and wondering if they were accurate and such so we ended up getting rid of them anyways. His respiratory rate fluctuates and at times he seems to be panting. I just am so blessed that Jacob has opened another door for me to reach out to another mother. I was able to talk to his mother for about 40 minutes and just familiarize ourselves with each other....we knew nothing of each other prior. It was great. Please pray for a peace for them, pray they cherish every moment, pray Jonathan has a life full of "living" as opposed to the world's perceptive of T18 baby's being incompatible with life.......(poppy-cock!).
A dear friend of mine from college came into town last weekend and we got to visit for a few days.....it was so great to see her and hug her! She has been someone so dear to my heart since I laid eyes on her 9 years ago and it just was great to share some of Jacob with her and have her see a bit of our lives now....it has been a while since we last saw each other and after she heard of Jacob's passing she had to just come and be with me.....it was something I needed but would never ask for not realizing how much I actually needed it!
I camped out with the boys the other night....it was great! We set the tent up in the back part of the yard near the fire pit, brought some cards out, flashlights and books and just the three of us laid there and enjoyed an evening in our own beautiful backyard. One of the cutest things I hope to remember happened....Joshua awoke at 5:30am because he had to go to the bathroom. So, having those convenient parts, he went outside the tent, walked over to the tree line and releived himself. As he was doing so, he gazed up into the sky and saw the sun just beginning to rise, the crescent moon still bright as ever and the stars glowing magnificently and he said, "Wow.....it's beautiful!" I love it!.... something only a little boy could do!
So as I laid there with my two boys here on earth, I enjoyed the moment....it was beautiful.....the sound of the insects chirping, the site of a sparkling starry cloudless night.....priceless. I soaked it in....but that feeling I gained on May 31st sunk in so hard.....the feeling of someone missing. My Jacob. This feeling resides in me always. I am a mother of 3 boys and although I treasure such a wonderful night with my two sweet boys, my third, the sweetest of them all, was not here. I tried to look at the stars and feel comforted by the fact that although I am in awe of this magnificent creation of the universe, Jacob is in the presence of it's Creator.... but my awe fell short and my selfishness kicked in and I still want him. Our earthly flesh is so selfish and as a mother who misses her baby more than ever before, I have a terrible time rejoicing for Jacob's healing. It is just something that is not natural.....by nature I am a selfish sinner who cannot get past my empty arms to be grounded in the fact that my baby boy now resides in a place where he does not desire or miss or hurt or have a feeding tube or bleed or cry or....need his mother. He has everything he needs....his Savior. Sin, my selfishness, separates me from my relationship with my Savior and my realization that HE is all I need....so much so that I cannot fathom the thought of what those in Heaven are experiencing right now.....I am too wrapped up in my empty arms. I am still taking in precious moments, but last night and today, I just fell short of rejoicing that he is in heaven.....because that means that he is not here with me.....selfish, I know.....but true.
I am well though. I struggle with things here and there but I am well. I feel the Lord holding me and guiding me through these tough times. I praise Him for all He has given me and draw closer to Him when I struggle to praise Him. It is a magnificent journey full of mountains and valleys. I am enjoying the journey and the One who guides it....I am learning so much and growing.
So, there is a very brief update. Please remember to pray for Little Jonathan....I will be contacting his mother by phone and possibly email so I will update you all once there is more info on things.
Friday, July 18, 2008
A Beautful Journey

Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Deeper Still: A Divine Appointment Indeed

http://blogs.lifeway.com/blog/deeperstill/2008/07/deeper_still_a_divine_appointm.html
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Jacob's 6 month birthday
But it was a beautiful day with those tiny girls....so sweet....so new....
thank you all for your prayers......times have been good. I am amazed at how busy I am but yet my mind is always with my baby boy.
I took all Jacob's clothing to my friend's mother who is going to make a quilt out of them....we have had this planned for a while. I had packed them up a while ago but pulling them all out again to show her some of them triggered some panicky feelings. I don't know why I would keep them and I don't want to....it's just that my baby boy was in them and he was so small and seeing the size of the outfits just reminded me of so much. It's not the clothes I miss, it's him. weird emotions.
Today we went out on a family friend's boat in the Niagara River. It was so much fun with the boys. They just loved it! They drove the boat a bit and they even tubed!....Joshua did it twice with Jason and then once on his own.....Jonathan did it for about 30 seconds and then had enough!....maybe next year. It was just so much fun seeing two of my sweet baby boy's smiles reach ear to ear with the wind in their hair and the blue sky above and the water splashing around....it was one of those moments you just treasure.....there is a One true God and He created everything and it is beautiful.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Touching us from Heaven.....
Hi there. This is really cool. You'll just have to go and read this blog entry for your self. Michelle Hicks works for Lifeway (coordinators of the event) Deeper Still Conference me and some of "my mommy friends" went to in Atlanta. Michelle escorted us back stage, prayed for us, and spent time with us and Beth Moore and Amanda Jones. Our babies continue to touch the lives of others in more ways than I can imagine....they live on....they really do.Wednesday, July 9, 2008
My Tattoo

So I survived! ...and I didn't pass out or cry or wince....
It really wasn't bad for all you guys out there who siked me out. I love how it turned out.....it's perfect!
I just love having his footprint on my foot....inside my heart I know that every step I take, Jacob is here with me and now I have it on the outside too ..... so sweet. There are lots of reason why I wanted this tattoo but one of them was so that people would ask about him. As I had said before, when I had Jacob with me, every where I went people would ask about him. Now I have some way for people to ask about him even though he is gone. AND IT ALREADY WORKED! As I was getting it done, another tattoo artist came in and asked how old my child was and I got to share with him some of Jacob's story. Then he shared with me that he had a baby brother Jacob who passed away before he turned one. It worked even before it was done and ministered to someone. I just love it. Thanks Bob!
Children are a blessing...








































