Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Jacob's Second Baby Brother

We welcomed our 5th Baby Boy into this world Saturday July 23rd at 2:21am! Job Patrick Fahmer wasted no time in his grand entrance just like his big brothers Jonathan and Jeremiah!...we got to the hospital at 1:20am and he was born an hour later.

Why the name Job (long o sound)? Well, although we know most people will call him job (short o sound) and he will be "job farmer" most of his life....we decided that the name meant more than having to correct everyone that walks into his life. We wanted the biblical name Job so we didn't want to add any vowels just to appease those who don't know the name. Do not look up the meaning of the name Job! isn't pretty (I know you will now, so let me save you the means "hated one and persecuted one"). So why name such a perfect precious gift of life a name that means awful things?!??! You have to look beyond the meaning and into the life of the man he is named after.

Job. A man of immense Godly character. In Job 2:3, God-the Creator of all life-the Beginning and the End- says about this earthly man Job, "There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he shall maintain his integrity.." Um, God himself calls him blameless and upright. That is the man this baby is named after. Yes, biblical Job's life has this unbelievable season of suffering, but God used that life to give us a look behind the scenes of this world and into the true power of his love for us. How we pray that our little Job here will someday hear God say that he was blameless, upright, and most of all, a man who fears God. Read through the book of Job (not easy happy-go-lucky reading), follow this man's season of triumphant suffering and see how his conversations with God shed light on our worldly lives to reveal the bigger picture of this life. The name is worth the headache of correcting people.

The Patrick came about because we found out that he was a boy on St. Patrick's Day....and although it began as a corny joke, the sound of that name was beautiful to me and despite all efforts to try other things, Job Patrick was what stuck and sounds just perfect.

"Job Patrick Fahmer, you are loved beyond words and beyond this world. May your life here bless the Lord and bring others to see the face of Christ on your's."

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

The May 31st's and June 1st's of Life

Yesterday we remembered our sweet Jacob Ryan's "home going/ heaven day" three years ago. This is always bitter sweet as we were left here to miss him terribly but yet he was perfected and we rejoice in his gazing on our Creator. The boys remember May 31st, 2008 pretty well...I can't imagine forgetting but I am always impressed at how they remember such details. This year, we didn't do much to "celebrate"...we just kind of talked here and there and remembered some things. We received a few cards, a phone call or two and a gift for his garden. It was sweet, simple.

As a child, May 31st was an exciting day. Preparations for my birthday were well on their way. That night was so difficult for me to rest and sleep. Summer was in full bloom (most of the time!), school was coming to a close, summer dresses were broken out, the light of day was so much longer, and I was going to celebrate being a year older and celebrate MY DAY.

June 1st, 1981, my parents welcomed me into this world after my mother had been blowing up balloons for my grandmother's birthday celebration. They got me as a gift! Their third baby girl in less than 4 years. And little did they know the spit fire that they were blessed with!

June 1st, 1986, I was in kindergarten and Mrs. Sciog made me a golden crown with a jeweled number 5 on it. Ok...maybe it was yellow paper and rainbow glitter but I LOVED it and saved it for many many years as I did feel like queen of the day.

June 1st, 1991, I clearly remember my Uncle Mike pumping me up for the big 10 by telling me how I was now into "double digits." That was so cool.

June 1st, 1997, I was given my long awaited charm bracelet by my Grandmother Schmitt for my sweet 16.

June 1st, 1999, I was asked to spend the rest of my life with the man I had fallen in love with at such a young age and continue to love every day of my life. Dreams came true.

June 1st, 2002, I held my first baby boy in my womb and packed boxes to move half way across the country to a place where God would grow us immensely.

June 1st, 2008. Just hours after my third baby boy left this earth forever. I awoke in the middle of the night panic stricken and searching desperately through the sheets for my baby boy, awoken by the voice of my husband telling me it was ok but I could only dream of holding him again. As we awoke that morning, my husband held me and we sobbed as the saddest we have ever been overwhelmed us. My oldest came into the room and played cards and did his best to put bandaids on his mama and daddy's gaping wounded hearts. I called dear friends and spoke words of loss and hurt to them. I was sung the original rendition of "Sucky Birthday To You" by my amazing husband who is the only one who could bring a smile to my face at that moment. I went to a funeral home and picked out dead-people-cards (not sure what those are actually called) and made cremation arrangements while my baby boy's body lay behind the door adjacent to the office I was sitting in. I sat in a vehicle with my husband as we drove up and down the boulevard unappetized to eat anything but knowing we must have something and crying in each parking lot we stopped in. I sat in a home filled with loved ones at a table filled with lifetime favorites of BBQ ribs and ice cream cake and sung "Happy Birthday"....but felt nothing but hurt and loss and sadness.

Every June 1st since then, I have struggled to put on a smile and feel the "Happy Birthday." My birthday has become a day of a conflicted heart. That one birthday reaks havock on this heart of mine. Any other day? Really? June 1st was spent like that? As if there could be a better day to do all those things, but it sets my heart in such conflict for today.

But God is bigger. So much bigger. Through the conflict, I see more clearly. I appreciate the simplicity of the day. The gifts I get are not wrapped in beautiful paper or mailed in cards. The tangible gifts I get...well, they are these precious children who just beam with excitement for me. All they can think is excitement and celebration...and that is such a gift and I can see it through them...they are contagious. The gift I get is a husband torn for his wife. His love shows through his concern for me. His heart is worn on his sleeve as he too struggles with what to do for this day and how to make is special and make me feel like that 5 year old queen again. He never fails.

June 1st, 2011, my 30th birthday, I awoke to the tender goodbye kiss of my husband and the sweet "Happy Birthday" of his voice. My baby boy number 5 sleeps soundly in my womb. I peeked in on my two older boys sound asleep in the morning sunlight. I walked the yard with my 22 1/2 month old, watched cars and buses go by as they begin their work days, and was made aware of all the ants and spiders in our vicinity. I peered into my flower garden where some sweet memories of Jacob are held. I look forward to the rest of the day.

Simplicity. I find my happy birthday in the simplicity of the day. Happy Birthday to me. Really.

"Thank you, Jesus, for the excitement of childhood birthdays, the significance of the teenage ones, the devastation of my 27th all to bring me to see the intricate simplicity of my days from here on out."

Love you all. Karen

Saturday, March 19, 2011

A 5th BOY?!??!

Ok, so I am not in blogger world anymore. I am sorry....well kind of. You all know how I feel about being with my boys.

Well, I just wanted to make it blogger official (I made it facebook official already) BUT....

Baby BOY Fahmer #5 is due to arrive August 1st, 2011!

It is one of those balancing acts. God has given us an appreciation for every breath we take and taught us so very much. He allowed me to glimpse at this precious baby boys hand as it waved across a screen as if to say hello. He allowed my heart to hope for the day I am able to hold that hand in mine and hope for may more days with him. As mamas, we project the days when our children will be older, going off to college, dancing at their weddings....but the truth is, we are not promised more than what we have this very moment. Not to ignite fear or panic but appreciation for what it is we have at this very moment and not to look at it for anything less than the miracle it is. So carrying this precious 5th borrowed baby boy of mine, my second since the reality of time and eternity and the sorrow of loss, I am thanking the Lord for my moments to mother this child right now, hoping for more but not taking these little dances in my belly for granted. Again, Jacob Ryan is an amazing big brother and has gifted this baby with more love than I could have given before his life and death.

Please pray for this sweet baby. Pray for his continued growth and coming birth. Pray for his big brothers as they too balance the reality of loss with the hope of the baby's future. Pray for Jason and I as God works in our lives to prepare us to parent our 5th sweet boy outside the womb.

Oh, there is so much more I want to share but I have so many blue eyes to stare into right now.....gotta go stare.

I will be back.

Love you all!


Friday, January 14, 2011

3 Years Ago!!!

Today marks the day, (3 years ago already!), I finally held one of the most precious gifts this world could ever know.

Jacob Ryan, God used your tiny life to change this world, our family, and my life forever. God is still using your life to further His kingdom and it is a privilege to be a part of.

I love you and celebrate you today and always in my heart!

Love always and forever,