Therapy

Blogging was something I did daily for the 4 1/2 months of Jacob's life. The computer opened my front door every day for the world to step inside our home and visit us for a bit. After Jacob's passing, the computer was a therapy. Blogger is where so many deep down thoughts, rarely audible, became readable words. It was a form of communication that let so many who care for me (and complete strangers!) know where I am at. I am one who can (most of the time) hold herself together on the outside, yet my inside could be in shambles or even ecstatic. This is where my wall could come down and I would share...looking back, at the "brain barf" it wasn't all that great of writing but it wasn't written to be critiqued or edited. I am so thankful that I had this outlet. It may seem sad to some, that this technology be such a servant to me, but it is what it is...and it seems far from sad. This technology has opened my world of friendships and ministry and love and burdens and empathy. At times, it has helped me puzzle piece together words that form statements so precious and precise. It contains the precious story of my baby boy that is in book form for our family to enjoy for generations to come. There is rarely a day that goes by where I am not blogging in my head....I always have some piece of writing or statement I am forming in my head to share....I just lack the time to get on here and do it. I love it. I love thinking about writing. I love thinking about sharing. I love thinking about the perfect word to write that will encapsulate my thought. I fail many times....there is always my back-up word "ridiculous." There have been days where I was screaming inside and all I wanted to do was get on this thing and write and write and write and cry and write.....but life is busy. But now when I get the time, it will be different. My progression is more difficult to see because my visits are few and far between. And I have to get it out. I have to share it. So my new form: say it....out of my mouth....to those in my immediate vicinity. It has helped me speak more clearly. It has helped me communicate. I want to speak. I want to share. I want to see the faces of those who are touched by what God is doing. It builds relationships. It richens friendships. It brings people closer. It makes it all a little more real....more tangible.....sweeter....beautiful. It is tough. It doesn't have a "backspace" key in the upper right hand corner. It is a lesson in taming the tongue.

Thanks for being my therapy....thanks for listening.

I will be on soon to share some of my precious adventures of these past 3 months with you. As far as I know, Ella is doing well....no news is good news. I have met up with some of my "mama friends" and made a few new ones. Lots to share....coming soon.