Thank you all for your prayers....14ths of the month have a whole new meaning . Yesterday (Jacob's 6 month birthday) was a beautiful day. One thing I miss is being able to feel that 5-6 pound baby boy in my arms and really see how small he was. So guess what I did on his 6 month birthday??? I went to a friend's house who delivered twin girls 2 weeks prior and I held not one but two babies on my left shoulder. Maddie was over 4 pounds and Kyle was in the 5 pound range (I think...unless I've mixed them up again!). No, it wasn't my baby boy, and I didn't want to feel like it was.....it just felt great to hold those tiny bodies in Jacob's spot....they almost fit as good as he did :) It wasn't tough to do....they weren't mine and it didn't trigger too many things....just one time when Maddie stopped breathing a second (like all babies do but when your baby has apnea, it is something you notice more frequently).....crazy what you will never forget. It was funny to handle them.....my cousin was there and she observed me and the baby's mother passing them back and forth holding one in each hand....it is funny how you handle tiny babies when you are used to it....people are so afraid of them but it was just ingrained in me to handle them this way....funny....Jacob has taught me so much and it is great to see it come out in these neat opportunities.
But it was a beautiful day with those tiny girls....so sweet....so new....
thank you all for your prayers......times have been good. I am amazed at how busy I am but yet my mind is always with my baby boy.
I took all Jacob's clothing to my friend's mother who is going to make a quilt out of them....we have had this planned for a while. I had packed them up a while ago but pulling them all out again to show her some of them triggered some panicky feelings. I don't know why I would keep them and I don't want to....it's just that my baby boy was in them and he was so small and seeing the size of the outfits just reminded me of so much. It's not the clothes I miss, it's him. weird emotions.
Today we went out on a family friend's boat in the Niagara River. It was so much fun with the boys. They just loved it! They drove the boat a bit and they even tubed!....Joshua did it twice with Jason and then once on his own.....Jonathan did it for about 30 seconds and then had enough!....maybe next year. It was just so much fun seeing two of my sweet baby boy's smiles reach ear to ear with the wind in their hair and the blue sky above and the water splashing around....it was one of those moments you just treasure.....there is a One true God and He created everything and it is beautiful.
4 days ago