Thursday, July 3, 2008

He grew up

I get these urges to scroll through the blog and look at pictures of Jacob and read some of what "he said." I haven't forgotten. I just miss him. As I look through the pictures, my chest hurts and I fight the tears. He was the sweetest baby ever. But compare the earlier posts to the later. Wow did he get big! It's all relative.

Yes he was small but he was a giant in so many ways. He grew up so much in those 138 days.
When he came home from the hospital he was just 3 pounds 9 ounces (he was born at 3 lbs. 14 oz). In his last month, he tangoed with 6 pounds.....that is a lot of growing.
Jacob's facial hair took a while to come, not mustaches and birth and for a while after, he didn't have any eyebrows or eye lashes. They grew in gradually and he had quite a few long lashes as well as eye brows....long lashes run in our family...look at Joshua & Jonathan's lashes as well as Jason's!
He always had hair but it became more full and longer.
When we first brought him home, he was so fragile and his apnea and syanotic spells were frequent.....although he had them as he got bigger, the effect they had was less prominent.....he recovered just fine with the exception of day 120 and his final day, day 138.
He went from this pathetic teeny tiny cry that would last a moment to crying for 30 minutes straight while in his car seat!
He grew out of the super tiny diapers only the NICU had and regularly wore preemie size diapers and even wore size ones when he was poopin' up a storm. He would make my absolute favorite face....his eyes would cross, his lips would become an O and he would clench his fists and push them together (his 3 month pictures posted on April 15th when he is in his navy/gray striped outfit.....oh I love it).....he grew out of that face.....he no longer did it.
His fists were so tight when he came home that it hurt him when you stretched them out....he grew into allowing us to play with his tiny hands and massage them and just hold them.....he even held things once placed in his grip and relaxed his hands regularly.
When he came home, he was taking 27 mls (30 mls is an ounce) and, although he jumped around a bit with a few set backs around day 120, he was over 60 mls consistently for a while even getting in the 70s.
He went from being fed every 3 hours to being fed every 4 and at night he would sleep longer spouts (sometimes!).

Things he never grew out of: preemie outfits, being held, black and white toys, his toes would curl over your thumb tip if you put it on the bottom of his foot, his nose would scrunch up when I put mine to his, his Mother's touch, his Daddy's arms, his brother's love and his Heavenly Father's plans.

He was strong. He was big. He grew up. He has placed a giant stamp on this world and has stolen my heart. He is bigger than I can ever imagine being. He was so big, that he only needed 138 days to make his lifelong imprint. He not only grew, he towered and his shadow remains.

I just thank him for sticking around and trucking through this crazy sinful world, just to be loved for a while, grow up and become part of this family who is forever changed because of him.

He lived and grew. Not only do babies with Trisomy 18 grow, so do those around them. Trisomy 18 babies live. Trisomy 18 babies ARE compatible with life......they are the richest, most powerful, fullest lives I have ever seen. Moments are lifetimes. They are beautiful.


Dolly said...

Awesome post Karen...I think you're learning to have your way with the words to express those feelings and thoughts these days...just one of the many gifts God has given you through the love and life that Jacob still gives you!

Sonja said...

Well Said,Karen!
Thank you again for sending a message from God. Everyone has a purpose and there is a purpose for everyone. I tend to forget that.
I purchased a "Jacob Journal". I wasn't really sure why I wanted it but I knew I had to have it. His picture on the front is so precious. When you posted your "Back from Atlanta" post.... It occured to me what I was going to do with the Journal. I wrote down the website of each mommy/baby(ies) and wrote down a "special Message" that was written in each blog. An encouragement quote if you will. I keep all the websites in my favorites titled "Prayer request and Blessings". I'm writing a blessing each day to add to the many blessings I have received from each precious baby and family.

Thank you Jacob. Thank you Karen. Thank you God

sumi said...

What a beautiful post. Thank you.

asplashofsunshine said...

Yes, Jacob changed countless people. I am one of those lucky ones... although never had the opportunity to hold him, see him, or know him, but I feel as if I had those chances. I guess all of us in blogland can thank such fabulous parents, brothers, extended family, and friends for that chance to get a glimpse into such a wonderful child. Amazingly enough, little Jacob is still allowing the world to "grow up", just as he did in his 138 days. Maybe Jacob will create a post from Heaven one day soon and change us a little bit more, who knows.

Kim ( said...

Sweet Karen,
What a beautiful post. When you write about trisomy 18 babies it just brings tears to my eyes, how you state that moments are lifetimes it brings me such joy cause it's so true. It makes me think of Mary Grace of course, all our babies, but especially Maddox - 1 moment was hard to understand but you are so right, it was a lifetime to Kenzie, Dusty and Deacon, a lifetime that will forever change their precious family. Praise Jesus! I love hearing how Jacob grew up - he was an amazing fighter and loved being loved by his amazing family. I love imagining him snuggled up in your neck like you described - I will have that in my mind and heart forever. You are precious.
Thank you also for posting such an amazing post about Atlanta - it was hard for me and I didn't even come close!! I can't even figure out how to do all the pictures! Anyway, your post was awesome.
I love you friend and wish I could just get together for a DC and potato skins, followed up with Milk Duds!
Much love,

Mandy said...

I loved it when you say that Trisomy 18 babies ARE compatible with LIFE.....I could not agree more. Thank you for sharing your story with us. I know we will have lots of catching up to do when we get to heaven and get our hands on our babies. Until then, God bless you.

Wishing I could have joined you ATL,

triciadee said...

That was so articulate and absolutely beautiful. Thank you. You and Jacob, and others like you (I also read Susie's blog "Be Strong and Courageous") are instruments of God. They are used to share the good news in a special way, but they are also being polished up and renewed themselves. It's so wonderful to see. Please know that you are touching so many lives - many of whom will not respond, leave a post, or even say a prayer today. Jacob (through his life and his blog) is a seed-planter, and we can never guess how God will reap what is being sown! It's so heartbreakingly sad but wonderful at the same time. You inspire me to lean more on the God who created all things. Thank you.

Laurie said...

Beautiful words from your heart Karen. I am so thankful that he gave you a lifetime in moments with 138 days, and thank you for sharing some of those many moments with us all here. He sure DID grow up before our eyes and his footprints are on my heart. I love him and you too. Have a wonderful day.

Laurie in Ca.

Emily said...

I love you. I love your tiny man of God. And I'm home from camp and you can interrupt the silence any time.... :)

Julie said...

So beautiful.....Sweet reminder. Thank you! Julie

Tamara said...

Karen my heart is with you. Thank you for sharing and being open.

The VW's said...

Jacob WAS big! Bigger than life! Thanks for sharing his with us! God Bless You!

boltefamily said...

Thank you for sharing Jacob with all of us. He has such a special place in my heart! I love you!


lisa said...

The way you write and express yourself and how you are feeling is so beautiful. It is such a gift, both to your readers and to yourself. It will help so much as you grieve and let your heart heal. Trisomy 18 babies are everything you said they are. Each one of them has a purpose and a destiny to fulfill. Some of their lives last but a brief moment, but they truly are moments that change us forever. Your little Jacob and his life have touched me and so many. I never imagined that after my own Trisomy 18 experience with Hannah that another little one would touch me so deeply. Thanks for sharing it all with us. Also, your Atlanta post was incredible! I wish I had been there! Hopefully we can meet someday.

Anita in Ohio said...

i never commented before but i followed your story almost every day. everything you write is great but this is an absolutely wonderful post. you are using what you've learned to touch others in an amazing way.