Saturday, March 21, 2009

Yes, Jesus Loves Me

This past week has been pretty cool. It always amazes me how God not only sent His Son to the cross for me 2000+ years ago but He also sends little love reminders throughout my every day. It's not enough for Jesus that he gives me hugs and kisses from my two older boys and allows me to relish in their successes throughout their every single's not enough for Him to give me yet another beautiful child who I get to feel dance in my tummy.......He goes incorporates our precious Jacob's life in our everyday, not just in our hearts but in the hearts of others. God knows this is a source of encouragement to me and it reminds me how much He cares for me and my family. Here are some examples of how God is still using the life of our sweet boy:

*About a month ago, Jason was asked to speak at a new church plant about 60 miles away from our home. He was asked to speak on the topic of suffering. This past Sunday was when he taught. Now, Jason is a bright guy, wise, talented (I am biased) but his gift of teaching is one from God. I cannot find the words the explain what it means as a wife and mother to see my husband before a group, teaching God's Word that has been so profound in our lives this past year, and using my son's life as an example on so many levels. There are not many daddies who talk too openly about the passing of their child in public or in the home. So to see him up there, tears is his eyes, speaking the Word and words God wanted him to (understatement). I know it was meant for that church to hear and they applied it, but for me sitting in the front row, as his wife and mama to the baby who God used to teach him those things, it was a proud moment.....a treasured one. One that blessed my heart to witness and is a gift a wife and mother will cherish forever. How do I know Jesus loves me? Because He gave me a gifted husband who loves his family and wants to touch others with the life of his family's suffering.... an amazing daddy to all his boys here on earth and in heaven.

*God also used that evening at that church to allow me to embrace yet another mother in sorrow. I had communicated through email and phone with a mother of a sweet baby boy who passed from Trisomy 13 last year. The church we were at was literally down the street from her and she came on out and we met face-to-face for the first time. She sat next to me as we listened to Jason speak. What a support to me to have another person there who I knew felt exactly what Jason was talking about! Any time I get to hug another mama of a baby in Jesus' arms, I just get the is amazing how little you know about someone but yet this one thing we have in common (the loss of a child) can make us feel connected like nothing else can. It truly was such a blessing. How do I know Jesus loves me? Because he gives me opportunities to embrace other mamas and allows our sorrow to be of encouragement to one another.

*Tuesday, as I sat at my boys gymnastics class, I was talking with some other mothers about art curriculum. I shared how the boys have been having art lessons at home for the past year as a service a company provided because of Jacob. There was a mother there who I met for the first time this week and she asked about Jacob's story. She asked me what he passed from so I told her Trisomy 18. Usually, when using this term, I have to further explain what that is but she looked at me and told me that her 4th child (she had 6) passed of Trisomy 18 10 years ago. Talk about an instant bond. She was so interested in the connections I have made through the blog and the support we have received from all other the world. She shared some of the opportunities she has had to minister to others with her son's life over the past 10 years. She commented on how the interent was just not something you used for those purposes when she lost her son 10 years ago. God placed yet another mother here in my home town for me to hug and "get it". How do I know Jesus loves me? Because He gave me yet another mama who "gets it" and has traveled this road and has a beautiful story that touches lives 10 years down the road.

*Thursday I get an email from my "Atlanta Girls" informing me that Beth Moore wrote about our encounter with her in Atlanta in her newest Bible study Esther. Um, wow! As if that weekend could mean anymore??? Here is what sweet Beth writes about our short yet meaningful time together:

"Our purposeful God allowed this final week of Esther to follow a ministry event that reminded me afresh what a beautiful thing women studying together can be. Amanda told me a group of eight young women who'd been communicating online were meeting at the event and spending the weekend together. She knew I'd want to meet them. They have a deep bond none of us would hope to share. Each has buried a cherished infant in the last year. They met through a ministry blog and bonded not only in their loss but in their profound determination to glorify God through their enveloping grief.
They were about my own daughters' age, and I could have held and rocked each one back and forth for a solid hour. Many of them entrusted me with pictures of their darling ones who are now safely and vivaciously in the playful, nurturing hands of Jesus. Those pictures are to my left now as I peck away at the computer. I asked them what they'd have me pray over them, then invited them to their knees so I could lay hands on them and intercede.
How blessed we are to be women. By nature we like to do things together. Work and play. Laugh and grieve. Eat and pray. Live and die. A large measure of enjoying womanhood is enjoying a heart connection with other women."

Now, God took a weekend that I thought couldn't get any more perfect and he made it more perfect! He took my son's story, touched the lives of these 8 women and the world, who then touched the life of Beth, who so devotedly writes and touches the lives of so many others around the world! He just didn't have to do that. How do I know Jesus loves me? Because he encourages me that my son's story is being told by thousands to thousands. He gives me a glimpse of what amazing things He can do with a tiny boy I am honored to mother.

*Friday, we had our 18 week ultrasound for Baby Fahmer #4. I climbed onto the exact same table that I was on when gazing at Jacob's heart and having mine sink with motherly concern. The technicians were courteous of our experience with Jacob yet not overly cautious and dramatic....she was great. We stared at the TV monitor as it illuminated the amazing creation that danced in my tummy. We saw our baby drink, dance, wave, jump.....we gazed as the heart beat at 140+ beats per minute and 4 perfect chambers.....we saw tiny feet and toes dance across the screen.....we saw tiny ribs, arms and leg bones.....we saw a developing brain, stomach, kidneys...we saw facial features with a perfect nose.......we saw BOY parts and clear as day! Yes, Baby Boy #4 :) How do I know Jesus loves me? Because even though we are not guaranteed another moment with this tiny baby boy, God gave us those moments to gaze upon His miraculous creation that is housed inside my body and draws nourishment and strength from my body.

God has done so much for me, but this is just a glimpse of the goodness He shed on a heart that is mending. I know Jesus loves me because of the tiny things He just didn't have to do, yet did to say to me "I do love you."

"I love you too, Jesus. Thank you."


Emily said...

Perfect. So perfect.

I love you, too. ;)

Me and my Gurl said...

Karen, it is always so wonderful to see something good come from something that was so painful. I think of your little one each time I write in my journal with his picture on the front. It reminds me that God is in control of ALL things. My life delimas are non to compare to a loss of a newborn, but I have lost a son of 18 to a world I can't enter for he won't allow. I've not seen or talked to my son since July 2, 2008 and the pain of my daily loss is real but I know that God has a plan for his life.
Sweet Joshua is not here with us on earth today but he is so clearly in our hearts and minds every moment of the day, reminding us that Jesus Loves us.

May God continue to bless you and your new bundle of joy to come. I will continue to visit your blog to see how God is using your son's life and the life of your family to speak to others.

God Bless

Sonja - Florida

Jessica mommy to Alex/ RTS said...

Congratulations on your 4th boy! Oh to be the queen among men!

Angela said...

I am glad that I could be there with you to sit next to you. I think I cried through most of Jason's talk. It was such a blessing to finally meet you in person. Let me know the next time you venture out to Rochester!
I actually just ordered Esther online last week because it has been out of stock at all the book stores that I have been to.

boltefamily said...

Amen! I love you too!

Kim ( said...

Dear Friend,
I loved your post. Oh how He does love us!! Thank you for continuing to be so precious to me!
I love you!

Staci said...

That was simply beautiful. I still think of Jacob a lot and waht his short life has done for me. God Bless him and God Bless you, his family.

Krystal said...

Thank you for letting God work through you in Jacob's story. I can't explain why you are so special to me, but you are. I'm thrilled for baby boy #4 (and you and your family, of course). Praying...

The VW's said...

BEAUTIFUL!!! What a wonderful feeling to know that God cares and does all of these things for YOU! What an AWESOME love! I'm so happy for you!

Denise Grandits said...

Congratulations! Another boy...well, you will join the group of moms who know just how amazing a house full of boys is! I loved reading your brought chills down my spine! Thanks for continuing to keep us posted on your journey as a family!

Anonymous said...

That is great news!! so, do you have a name?

Godsgal said...

It is always a blessing to visit here and continue to see the unfolding beauty of God moving in and through your beautiful family. Thank You for sharing with those who are are your heart friends and family- and for with those of us who are on the outside looking in. It is a gift and treasure to witness... Thank You!
We rejoice in the goodness and faithfulness of our Beloved in your life. ♥

abrown925 said...

Congratulations on baby boy #4 and thank you for expressing your thanks so poignantly and vividly! God sure loves you =)

Kathy said...

Karen, I sure would have loved to be there in the pew listening to Jason speak his heart.

God is using you both in such a big, big way. He is awesome!

So very excited about your new little boy! Congratulations!!!


Kim ( said...

I just came here tonight to sweet the face of sweet baby Jacob - he is really something!! I know his little brother will be equally as awesome - wow 4's so amazing!
Love you friend,

Kim ( said...

thinking of you today like every day - thinking of your new precious boy and wondering if I will give him a Guy friend or a Girl frined from Texas??? Soon we will know.
I am still amazed at all the miracles in your this pregnancy started, all the "odds" all the "statistics" and how your strong boys keep beating them. God's plan is so good.
Okay I am rambling...Love you friend,

Me and my Gurl said...

Karen, hoping all is going well. Haven't seen a new blog in a bit. I know you have alot going on. I just wanted to let you know you were not forgotten.

Sonja - Fl

Randi said...

I am so happy for you and your beautiful family.