Amazement

Anyone who has been given the blessing of a child knows that sitting and staring becomes a regular activity. I did this with all of my children. But there is something very different about this time with Jeremiah and we have Jacob to thank for that. From January 14th, 2008 until the morning of May 31st, 2008, I stared at a baby who was made with perfection, yet not made to be here for very long. I stared at a baby who's heart didn't beat to the same tune, who's breaths were few and far between at times, who's coordination did not allow him to suck and swallow milk from his mother or from a bottle, who's brain never allowed him to smile or laugh intentionally, who could not open and close his fist around my finger. For a few hours of my life on May 31, 2008, I held and stared at a body that no longer had a heart beat or took breaths and had no option to eat or to smile and laugh or grasp my finger.

Until you have not, you do not realize what you have.

Anyone who knows me knows I wouldn't change a single thing about Jacob....he was perfectly made to be used by God in amazing ways. Jacob has already impacted Jeremiah so much in the nine months in my womb and in these two weeks of life outside the womb. I stare at Jeremiah, not the same way I did when Joshua and Jonathan were newborns because they were before I went without. I have stared at them since Jacob with the amazement of the privilege it is to gaze at their very active bodies and invest in their eternal souls. And now this newborn that lays beside me....how he captivates me. How I notice his heart beats beautiful perfect music. How I notice his lungs sing of health with every rise and fall of his chest. How I notice his strong feeding abilities that cause me to just gaze in amazement of the preciousness I hold on my chest. How I notice his smile and sleepy laughs that rise up in me and bring smiles and laughter to my soul. How I notice as his stunningly long fingers curl around mine and grip. How I notice he is alive and well. I have learned. These are not things to go unnoticed and unappreciated as they had in the past. These are miracles. These are things to sit in amazement at. These are the things only a Creator controls. What gifts my children are. Thank God for them so I can see the beautiful miracle of creation. It truly is amazing.

Just sit, stare and be amazed at the miracles children are by just being.