"THE" Quilt

I sit here on my couch, where I spent the first 4 1/2 months of 2008, currently covered and comforted by Jacob's

clothing. This is not some freakish expression of grief....it is more like a beautiful piece of memorabilia. About a year ago, I thought about what to do with Jacob's clothing.....I thought I could donate them to the NICU to use, but then I thought, "Um, no.".....I thought I could just keep them and maybe another baby would wear them, but then I would never wish to have such a tiny baby that would fit them!.....I thought I could just put them with all his other memorabilia, but then I realized how much room it would take up seeing he had a ton of clothes!...but then I remembered my mother's pillow made from her father's shirt....and I thought maybe someone with real talent (and guts!) would take his outfits and make a quilt! I packed all of Jacob's teeny tiny outfits into a paper box and dropped them at a dear friend's house. She had offered her amazing quilting talents to make Jacob's clothing into a quilt for us to enjoy and use. Let's just say, "easier said than done!" Just think about making the first cut!!!!....I can't imagine! She researched how to put a backing on the clothing so they would quilt properly, asked me what kinds of things I wanted, and thought about the pattern....it is not easy to get good size fabric to quilt from teeny tiny outfits! This was a high stress quilt! She apologized for how long it took but really I was fine with whatever she had to do and in no rush. I got the call last week to schedule a time to stop in and pick it up. So Monday evening, Jason, the boys and I, headed over. Let me tell you, it is beautiful....precious....comforting.....just perfect. The boys picked their favorite square and they pointed out how they remembered him in certain ones. Joshua's favorite piece is the tag on the back that says, "In loving memory of Jacob Ryan Fahmer, January 14, 2008 ~ May 31, 2008." I can't pick a favorite part.....everything about it is my favorite!.....I just look at the squares and think about my sweet baby boy in each one. I just love that his clothes now cover me and are usable and comfortable.

It is made up of 56 center 5 inch squares made from his clothing...she even included some of the

tags that say "preemie" on them and the cute footies and pockets and zippers and snaps. Surrounding the squares is a thinner boarder with a print of cute tiny hand and foot prints....this is also the fabric for the back. Then (get this!) the outside boarder is made of all his black and white fabrics I had bought him that he loved to stare at. All together, it is so perfect. It is so Jacob. It is so sweet. I just love it....I can't explain it. I just love it.

Mrs. De, thank you so much for putting so much love and care into something that means so much to our family. Words cannot express what this quilt means to us and we thank you for making it happen. Love always, The Fahmer's

One Month To Our Due Date!

So Jeremiah has been growing for about 35 weeks and 4 days in my body. Wow. He is so crazy in there and a joy to watch even now! Jonathan has been enjoying Jeremiah's hiccups and kicks and Joshua loves to rial him up and kiss him good night. They busted out Jacob's stethoscope yesterday and were trying to listen to my tummy for him....so cute (I took the above picture and that was not an easy shot to get....try and take a pic of your own belly!). The nursery is getting put together and we are figuring out all the things we have yet to get. This is not an easy task.....trying to move out the "in home care" papers, the "thinking of you" cards and the remains of a funeral to anticipate a birth???...not the normal exciting "getting ready for a baby" time....but this is our normal, and there is very little sadness about it....I thought it would be tougher than it is. Don't get me wrong, it is not easy, but deciding that this nursery is Jeremiah's, just like we moved Joshua out when Jonathan was coming, helps. We have moved the big brother out before and brought in the little one, so I can handle that mindset and be excited.

Joshua was riling up Jeremiah the other day and then he stopped and looked at me real serious and said, "Do you think we'll get to keep this one , Mom?" Oh, how my heart breaks for my boys? They lived 4 1/2 marvelous months with their baby brother, kissing him everyday as if it was their last moment with him. That has carried over to this baby already....and I want them to learn what it is that God has for them so I try not to interfere with those feelings...I can not promise them a thing with this baby....I cannot reassure them that we will get to keep this one......these feelings and emotions that God has allowed our situation to develop and magnify in my boys is building them into Godly men....I will not contradict what God has planted. I want them to be appreciative of their time here with whomever and envelope them in love no matter how long we have....they get that and that is a beautiful thing. So pray for them as we hope with all our hearts that we do get to keep Jeremiah and have him grow up in our family with his two oldest brothers who care for him so much because of how Jacob taught us to love. Our 4 amazing boys....oh, how I thank the Lord for them.

So, our summer is filled with tadpoles, dancing in the rain, jumping in the pool, riding bikes, picking berries, summer reading, gardening, baseball, and just plain fun. We have been enjoying it and appreciating our family times together. Life is really good.....really.....the other day I said to Jason, "You know things are going well when the heaviest thing on your mind is wondering when your tomatoes are going to turn red!" We are happy, joyful and loving life. I try to not let Satan rob me of our peace....the scariest days of our lives all began as regular normal days.....but we live with a marvelous peace of being under our Father's care and therefore nothing is to be feared. We need these peaceful times and thank God we are able to appreciate and recognize them....we know the side of worry and fear and without them, we would not know such peace as now....it is beautiful.

Thank you for your continued love and support. Your prayers for our family are not taken lightly and we appreciate them all. Pray for our future month....our little man adding the final touches on his growth, our boys awaiting their baby brother, Jason and me as we deliver our sweet little one....how ever you feel led to pray. Thanks you. God Bless!